The Real World ... Blogger Style: 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Ode to Ronnie James Dio

RJD
The masses bow down to you
Demon worship ballyhooed
Devil horns raised in salute
Holy Diver you are
Dream Evil we will because of you
We'll know for the first time
That your evil is divine
All The Fools Sailed Away
Returning at your feet
Sabbath continued with you at the mic
The Elfish Rainbow in the sky
Metal worshippers surround you
And you rise above them all
RJD
The Rainbow In The Dark

Now (Jonnie espcially) find all the references in here to song titles, song lyrics, and album titles. Go to it worshippers of the metal lord that is RJD!!! BOW DOWN TO HIM FUCKERS!!

Post Olympic Salute!

We're all Olympic'd out (Belle on skating apparently)...
In honor of contest, of world domination, of sport, I offer the following.

Apolo Ohno
Tokyo
Sympatico
I blame the Beatle breakup on Yoko
I don't know
Use Miracle Gro
Dubya blows
Torino snow
Venice is low
Get high on blow
This thing sucks
Gotta go...

Be glad that Vancouver is harder to rhyme; trust me I'm trying!!

Monday, February 27, 2006

A post from posa

Rosa sent me this to post. I have no comment.

Take my new Quizilla quiz

Sunday, February 26, 2006

My Sexy Name

Porn Star or My Little Pony?

Even though I only got 5 out of 12 correct, I think this is the greatest quiz of all time.

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Which Sopranos Woman are you?

none
You are Carmela Soprano! Pious and loyal, you play

the role of peacemaker. You mask your own

problems by trying to solve other peoples',

and are perceived by many as stable and

faultless, though you have your secrets!


Which Sopranos woman are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday Quiz Day

Except I'm not a rat.

None
You are Sal

Which Sopranos man are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Between being Big Pussy and getting free food from Del Taco due to a new worker's inexperience, this might be the greatest day of my life to date.

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Tomorrow:

New season of The Apprentice


I like the move to Monday night, though I think Trump is doing it so he does not have to compete against any other strong shows.

Last season was the crappiest ever and I hope Trump did not hand-pick the contestants this time. He did a particularly bad job of picking women last season.

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Why me ... why me !!!

Following the Winter Olympics women's figure skating competition a clearly distraught belle goes on a multi-state rampage leaving death and carnage in her wake.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

It's a sad day

Don Knotts, dead at 81.



Nip it, nip it in the bud.

Presidents Day Gift Exchange Pics

The loot, check out the camo wrapping paper!!!




I didn't blow the streamer all the way up because of diminished lung capacity.




How radical is this!!!




The proper way to dispose of plastic bags. Please remember these are not toys and should not be treated as such.

Boz opens his Presidents Day Package

this is an audio post - click to play

Presidential Gift Exchange

My package from Jonnie & Boz's First Annual Presidents Day Gift Exchange has arrived and I can't believe Boz packed all this stuff into one envelope:

First Annual Presidential Gift Exchange loot.


I can now tell you that future RLB DVD reviews will cover Hot Rod Girl, T-Bird Gang, Circus of Fear, and Carnival of Souls.

Probably the most practical item was a selection of four "Religious Pens" from a company called "The Genesis Collection". While the pens' artwork depicts gay scenes of blond angel babies and footwear, their saving grace is the inclusion of a long lanyard at the top; so you can wear the pen around your neck, hang it on a peg in the outhouse, or hang yourself with it.

Religious Pen with lanyard identified.


The four pens come in two varieties, with one set of each style.

The first style is a "Jesus Loves Me" theme which depicts the gay blond angel with moons and stars even though it is daylight since clouds are also visible in the sky scene that makes up the background.

The second style is a "Walk With Jesus" theme which depicts various footprints from bare feet as well as sandles and sneakers in various colors on a sort of purple/fade-to-blue/fade-back-to-purple background.

Also included in the package was a sticker from 0nnyx Tat00z and a magnet from a dentist who goes by the name "Daniel the Filipino".

And, while my keychain used to consist of a simple ring and bottle opener, it now boats a genuine leather Deen Arbor Chevrolet Cadillac of E. Twas panel -



Finally, I'm proud to not be left out of the rock and roll boxers club as Boz has sent me a handsome pair of The Who underwear -
Who are You
Who Who Who Who


The ass says Tommy - 1969 - my actual birth year (and I'm sure Boz knew that when he purchased them). It also depicts Pete Townsend playing guitar while leaping up into the air in the fetal position -

Tommy, can you hear me?


So not only are these Who shorts, they are special commemorative Tommy - 1969 shorts and they ROCK. I want to play pinball in them.

Thank you Boz! I had no idea the Presidential Gift Exchange would be so lavish!
I thought it was just a reason to send Easter stuff sooner!

Who's in on the upcoming May Day gift exchange?

If you want to participate, speak up in the comments.

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Friday, February 24, 2006

R U EMU

I am 18% Emo.
Anti-Emo  ...hrmph.
Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Hugh is stalking us, Jonnie


I found this advertisement in my latest (and next to last) Maxim yesterday.
What concerns me is the second name on the list.
I thought that only myself and the Holy Trinity of Feel Good Night used it, and only as the secret
password to the dungeon of Good Feeling (on the third Tuesday of the month in the dungeon of Good Feeling Belle dresses as a Russian skater and does triple toe loops on stage.)

So the question begs to be axed...did Jonnie sell the name, or aren't we as original as we thought??
Not so inquiring minds don't give a flying fuck...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Am I Normal?

Your Normalcy Quotient is: 69 out of 100.

Your quiz results make you a Quirky Character

Take the Are You Normal? quiz.

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Juan Bodley is ill...in more ways than one!!

Hi ya'll.
I think I need to let you guys and ladies know that I've not been feeling so well this past week and so my blogging activity may come and go for a while.
The reason is my gall bladder has been acting up (and I have a SHITLOAD of stones.) I don't have insurance so I'm going to apply for welfare and hopefully Medicaid too. Then I just have to get the little sucker ripped out. And the surgery doesn't take that long.

So I may come and go...don't fret it. If you don't see anything from me it's just because I'm not doing that well, but gallstone attacks can come and go. I'll keep you cats up to date.

Monday, February 20, 2006

My Archie Nemesis

Sunday, February 19, 2006

My Arch Nemesis

Your arch-nemesis is:
Hugh Heffner



Why?
Because they beat you at table tennis
The winner will be...
They are going to kill you
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

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Sunday Quiz Day

You fit in with:
Atheism


Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You have very little faith and you are very focused on intellectual endeavors. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people.

40% scientific.
60% reason-oriented.



Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

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Saturday, February 18, 2006

Hey Jimi, who has the biggest Strat???

hop

rosa --
[adjective]:

Like in nature to a kangaroo

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

TGIS REDUX II

TGIS REDUX

TGIS

Friday, February 17, 2006

TGIF ya'll...


This says it all.

This little tidbit of insanity is from The Family Suckass. Courtesy of my dear sister Jennifer. She's got wit, she's got class, if ya don't like the Suckass she'll kick your not-funny ass!!!

TGIF motherfuckers!!!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

When Boz's car dreams...



I think if the BozWagon had a soul it would want to be this.

Not an F1 car, not a stock car, but a car that brings joy to children and fantasies to women worldwide. Indeed I think it would sing...

Oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer weiner
I could get the women all the time...

It could happen...

My world is normal again...

Tuesday was a glorious day for me...
My favorite electronic surplus shop that I thought had closed and disappeared forever is still open, just in a different place!!!! I bought a transistor for my TV (the horizontal output driver) and I had them order 2 more. Just like that my world becomes beautiful again. Praise the NTE gods!! And Father Boz...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A cry for help

Belle being deprogrammed after the closing ceremonies of this years Winter Olympics.

Dvl and rosa posa posa posa posa

Everyone leave comments on this post telling what they most miss about dvl and rosa posa posa posa posa posa not being around.
If I feel like it I will email them in a couple of days with the results, and they will be thrilled and warmed and a bit verklumpt as we welcome them back with clicking tongues and open arms.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Juan Bodley's DJ voice lessons

First you should all remember that, at one time, I WAS a professional DJ. Now I'm just a hack so try this at your own risk.

1. Practice your breathing so you take long slow breaths. Breathe in, hold it, now slowly let it out.
2. Take in a breath and say as much as you can as fast as you can. Record this on Audioblogger and keep practicing. The true professional speaker can go about 25-30 seconds on a breath.
3. Pay me $150 every time you try this; this is my fee. Those who don't pay will have their vocal chords ripped out by Belle. In revenge for JonBenet.

Now go in the bathroom start the shower and let the steam permeate the throat. Inhale the hard water vapor, and practice your speed Audioblogging!!

Monday, February 13, 2006

A message from JohnnyC.!!!

Now you can hear the mighty JohnnyC. speak!! Like You wanted to anyway!!
AmyJo this is for you...
this is an audio post - click to play

Valentines Day Audio

How Jonnie met Sandra -
this is an audio post - click to play

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Boz is our god...(or is it God??)

Here in Indiana we have some strange people (myself not included.) From time to time a group some call the "holy rollers" or "glory barn" sect pop up, claiming they heal themselves with prayer and don't need hospitals. These goons and jerks haven't made any noise lately and I'm wondering where they went. Well, in this state of nut jobs, whack jobs, and holy jackasses I've decided to start my own religion, and Boz is the prophet we'll follow. So now of course I need to have the minions who will believe in Boz and his teachings (such as a Chevy Cobalt is a poor man's Cadillac,) so now I've decided to get my family going, I'll e-seduce AmyJo. So now, me lady, you must give up everything, come to Indiana, and we'll let our love-children be misguided by my ravings and Boz's truths. Jonnie, you'll be our West Coast rep., and with Sandra you guys will secure the movie rights to the religious tele-drama that all the low power Jesus Freak stations will air at 2AM. Belle shall grace us with the telling of how JonBenet went from downtrodden waif to holy saint in the Church of Boz. And we'll elect a person to appear on Trump's Apprentice to tell our tale...

Remember kids, religions are usually left alone and they get great tax breaks, so let's all move to Michigan and we'll commune in the Mitten State!!! Bow down to our holy lord Boz!!!!

Olympic sized rewards...

I wish I could give out real hardcore true to their name medals but I cannot so I, Juan Bodley, chairman of the IBOC (the International Blogympic fullOfcrap Committee,) award the following medals in the following categories:

Bronze medal, 1500M new car buying, Boz
His style in picking a simple auto and seeking to give it personality earns this hardware.
Bronze medal, open track discount shopping, Jonnie and Boz
The remote control purchase almost won it for you alone Boz.
Silver medal, attraction to inanimate objects, AmyJo
Hello Kitty? Hello Silver medal!!
Silver medal, the JonBenet award...
Up for grabs; taking nominations...
Silver medal, long distance calling, Sandra
Soon you'll be leaving the German team but the US team has openings!!
Gold medal, 5000M blog reconstruction, RLB
Nacho category you say? Nay I say!! Indeed you are the Feel Good Darling so hoist that trophy!!
Gold medal, 15000M Blog jumping, Boz
Accepting this award Moonie Pottie??
Or is he over at the 99 cent store??

The IBOC awards these prizes free of any stress or undue pressure to award these fictional prizes so don't wait by the mailbox!!!

As Road Hog Weekend Winds Down

My First Car

this is an audio post - click to play

Sunday, February 12, 2006

This one might come in handy for Jonnie

Can you pass as a German?


My results:
You got 380 points.
Ok, you might not attract the wrong kind of attention, yet... you are not German, but you might pass as Bavarian ;-)

Sunday Spring Fashion Quiz

From Seventeen magazine's Which Spring Trend Was Made for You? quiz.

(I found this quiz by accident while looking for a good Sopranos quiz)

Dots
Polka dots perfectly express your timeless (but fun!) style. Sure, they're a little retro, but they're also very hot and one of spring's best trends. Right now, you can find them on everything from basic belts to formal dresses. Besides traditional all-white or all-black dots on a solid fabric, look for patterns featuring dots of several different colors. This graphic design is cute, cheerful, and also classic!

Another trend to try: Floral

Hmmmm....I suppose a polka dot belt would be pretty cool, come to think of it.

Update:
The link is apparently not straightforward at all. Seventeen magazine wants you to enter their site through their main page only. So don't take this quiz unless you feel like experiencing inconvenience.

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Sunday night is quiz night


Boz --

[noun]:

A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever



'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com


I found this over at Mo's blog.

Blue Van Memory

For Roadhog Weekend, I'm reprinting a very early Nacho post from way back on December 17, 2003. It's a pretty funny piece of Jonnie history which is no longer posted in my archives, though it is available on my hard drive:

The Post went something like this -

When I'd recently arrived in Anchorage and was getting on my feet, I'd bought a van real cheap from a co-worker who I later learned was also a crack dealer. It was a pretty fun van to drive - there was a huge Malcolm X banner hanging in the back & a bunch of wooden beads colored like the African flag hanging from the rearview mirror; not something a white guy generally drives around town. It really turned heads on occasion.

So until something better came along, I took a job working with disabled kids. On my first day, I drove that van & I remember having a completely overbearing head cold at the time. I was in the back of the van looking for some kleenex & found this huge caliber sawed-off shotgun in the back! I don't know what I was thinking (I was ill & disoriented at the time), but I picked it up & pulled the trigger (I guess to see if it worked) and BLAMMM!!

Blew a hole right through the side of my new van. Right in the parking lot of the house I was going to work in on my first day! I just remember my ears ringing like crazy & the smell of gunpowder. I'm glad nobody was outside in the parking lot! The lady who ran the house came running out & asked me what was going on. All I could think about was my headcold & I didn't want to explain it all to her, so I stupidly stuck my head out the window, held up the shotgun & said, "I just shot a hole in my van. I have a headcold", as if that explained anything at all.

She didn't say a word, went back in the house. I came in a little later & started my first shift. We later became fairly good aquaintences, but she NEVER mentioned the incident as long as I knew her. Pretty easy going lady, that one.


In the above pic, brother Todd is holding his Swiss Army knife by the shotgun hole for scale. It wasn't too far from hitting the gas tank. That would've been a mess.

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Econoliner

I have two massive Ford Econoliner vans in my past. Most of my time in Alaska from 1994 to 1998 or so was spent driving a Ford Econoliner (aside from company cars and rentals).

My brother Todd purchased the first Econoliner down in Indiana
It was a great great van and he drove it all the way to Alaska and back one summer.

Todd added some special features to the original green van, most notably sexy mannequin legs sticking out one of the back walls -


The Sex Van.


The legs were eventually removed so he could install bunkbeds for his Alaska trip.

JohnnyC may remember this temporary ornament from one occasion -

A buttrope (AKA "chinese anal love beads") hanging from the radio antenna.

The Green Econoliner is what finally took me to Alaska in 1994 when I stayed for 6 years instead of just the summer [that roadtrip is fully documented in Jonnie & Todd's Alaska Van Log '94 ] -

Mel, Laura, Jonnie, & Todd - ready to set off to Alaska.


One feature I loved in the green van was the walls' heavy shag carpeting -


Another ornament was a fried egg sticker, and in Alaska, the van was eventually always referred to as "The Green Egg Van"

[ Click to view larger image ]


Donald Kilbuck & Jonnie gas the Green Egg Van.


Soon after, I purchased a blue Econoliner from a co-worker in Anchorage & when Todd came through after his summer in Valdez, it was a van jackpot -

2 G1llioms in 2 Econoliners.


There's maybe one good blue van story which I may reprint. I eventually gave it to Donald Kilbuck who drove it for years. The Green Egg van was ultimately desserted in Valdez after its transmission went out. Reportedly though, it would still drive in reverse for awhile and Todd tells me they would occasionally take it on a short drive into town in reverse!

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A WINTER OLYMPIC MOMENT ... BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE RW ... BS

Belle takes her Olympic figure skating seriously, very seriously

An email I sent to belle yesterday:
I've got an idea.
Why don't you dress your cats up in figure skating outfits and then
you can pretend that the three of you are Nancy Kerrigan, Michelle
Kwan, and Sasha Cohen while you watch the Olympics.


Her reply, which was sent at 4:05 AM:
I have never really cared much for Michelle Kwan. She has good footwork and spins, but her jumps aren't all that. I think you should contact the Olympic Committee and suggest me as her replacement now that she's dropped out (yeah, who didn't see THAT coming?).

Road Hogs

I don't have a car these days because a) I'm leaving the country soon and I need to save and b) my office is within walkin distance and c) whenever needed (which is quite often lately) I can take one of the company cars.

So here's a comparison of the cars in my life (the cars on the pics are not the actual cars since my stupid cam is still broken - but the makes and models of the cars are the same).

The contestants:
1. 1966 VW Käfer

My first car. It looked exactly like the one on the picture, only mine was a light pink. Yes, pink.

2. 2005 BMW X5 4.4i (company car)

Same model only in black with a few chrome extras.

3. 2005 BMW 630i Coupe (company car)


4. 2005 Mercedes A180 CDI (company car)


Category A - Speed:
1. Käfer: downhill: yes, somewhat; otherwise: hahahaha
2. BMW X5: Can go fast if needed, but accellerates not as good as I'd expected (maybe due to automatic transmission and the weight).
3. BMW 6: Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! I drove this one in january when it was snowing and the car had its winter tires on. They told me it shouldn't go faster than 140 mph with winter tires but I proved them wrong.
4. Mercedes: Preferably 0 mph. There is not one sitting position in this car that didn't hurt my back and I was always happy when I could get out of it.

Category B - Safety:
1. Käfer: Hahahaha. The Käfers from that time (and older) were known for spearing the driver with the steering rod when they had an accident.
2. BMW X5: It's good to know that you're the one hurting others in an accident.
3. BMW 6: You're going too fast to think about accidents.
4. Mercedes: You're praying that no elk will cross the road and makes your car flip.

Category C - Music best listened to in the car:
1. Käfer: Whatever is on the radio (provided that the radio decides to work that day and you're not going faster than 30 mph because after that the engine will be louder anyway)
2. BMW X5: The latest hiphop tunes. BASS. You're the hottest bitch on the streets and everybody should see and hear it.
3. BMW 6: Anything Rammstein or Ministry. Because you hate all the slow drivers.
4. Mercedes: Don Henley - Boys of Summer... well, anything happy and soothing that distracts you from your back-pains.

Category D - Food:
1. Käfer: Nothing. You need both hands to handle this thing.
2. BMW X5: Chewing gum.
3. BMW 6: Potato chips, extra spicy. Eaten while driving.
4. Mercedes: Fast food from the drive-thru. No drinks though because the fuckin cup-holder is too small!!! This would never happen in an American car, I guess.

Category E - What you should know about this car:

1. Käfer: You need strong muscles because this car doesn't have brake boosters or any other electrical aid. It is constantly vibrating which can a) be stimulating, b) make you want to pee really bad or c) massage away back-pains you got from sitting in a Mercedes A-Class.
2. BMW X5: Take good care of this one. It's Germany's most stolen car. I once surprised a guy trying to get into mine on a parking lot. He saw me and ran off before he could get in. Also, there's this button that automatically connects you to the BMW Service Call Center which can be irritating when you accidentally hit it and there's this real, male voice talking to you all of a sudden and you don't know anything else to say other than "KITT, is this you?!".
3. BMW 6: When you drive a car like this, people expect you to go fast on the Autobahn. You'll get bewildered looks or flashing lights if you decide to go not as fast as you could.
4. Mercedes: Only bring small cups or bottles. Avoid elks. Sometimes the CD player will spit out your CD without being asked to.

So, the final results are:
4th place: Mercedes. Far behind the others. I really didn't like this one too much.
3rd place: BMW 6. A great car that I really enjoyed driving but I didn't like that it made me speed so much and drive really aggressively.
2nd place: BMW X5. Amazing car, you won't believe all the great features and functions it has. Plus, I liked to look down on other cars.
1st place: Käfer. Because love will always win over technics.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

I think we should change the name of the blog



Do you think zann would approve?