The Real World ... Blogger Style: 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005

Friday, September 30, 2005

The RW ... BS Compilation CD

Here is the latest in my series of great ideas.
I want everyone, and that includes the queen of the lurkers, to give me a list of 6 songs that they like so I can burn them to a CD(s) that will reflect the various tastes of the blog members.
I'll do the work of finding the songs, and if it works out I will send a copy to anyone who is interested.
Email your selections to me, that way it will be a MYSTERY compiliation.

Now tell me if that isn't a great idea!

The Good Times Are Killing Me

Let's all take a trip down memory lane:

I need everyone, or mostly everyone, or just boz to give me a childhood tragedy they experienced. If you guys do this I promise I'll audio post me singing "Happy Birthday Mr. President" in a seductive Marilyn Monroe voice*.

*I do not guarantee that my actual interpretation of her voice will be seductive at all.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Let's do the time warp again!!!

If you were to go to a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show which character would you go as?

I, of course, would go as Brad Majors.

I have finally verified it's authenticity

Here is the infamous Jonnie and Sandra Telephone Sex Tape that has been the subject of many rumors as to even it's very existence.
I think you'll agree this is the real deal!!!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Speaking my mind

Jonnie and the zonkboard

this is an audio post - click to play

In Case October is Cold...

Jonnie's first annual Halloween Swim:
(or: "How much use can I get out of a 99 cent Frankenstein mask?")

Raaarrrr - I'm Franken-Jaws!


Don't be scared, children, it's just RebelLeadyBoy -

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Prince Thomas (the artist formerly known as Dylan)

While I was waiting for an article to download, I got sidetracked and merged AmyJo's Dylan Thomas poem with Prince's "Purple Rain".

October in the Purple Rain

It was my thirtieth year to heaven
I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow
Woke to my hearing from harbour and neighbour wood
I never meant 2 cause u any pain
The morning beckon
With water praying and call of seagull and rook
And the knock of sailing boats on the net webbed wall
I only wanted 2 one time see u laughing
Myself to set foot
That second
In the still sleeping town and set forth.
I only wanted 2 see u laughing in the purple rain

My birthday began with the water-
Purple rain purple rain
Birds and the birds of the winged trees flying my name
Purple rain purple rain
Above the farms and the white horses
Purple rain purple rain
And I rose
In rainy autumn
I only wanted 2 see u bathing in the purple rain

Pale rain over the dwindling harbour
I never wanted 2 be your weekend lover
And over the sea wet church the size of a snail
With its horns through mist and the castle
I only wanted 2 be some kind of friend
Brown as owls
But all the gardens
Of spring and summer were blooming in the tall tales
Baby I could never steal u from another
Beyond the border and under the lark full cloud.
It’s such a shame our friendship had 2 end
There could I marvel
Purple rain purple rain
My birthday
Purple rain purple rain
Away but the weather turned around.
Purple rain purple rain
I only wanted 2 see u underneath the purple rain

It turned away from the blithe country
Honey I know, I know, I know times are changing
And down the other air and the blue altered sky
It’s time we all reach out 4 something new
Streamed again a wonder of summer
With apples
Pears and red currants
That means u 2
And I saw in the turning so clearly a child's
Forgotten mornings when he walked with his mother
Through the parables
Of sun light
And the legends of the green chapels

And the twice told fields of infancy
U say u want a leader
That his tears burned my cheeks and his heart moved in mine.
But u can’t seem 2 make up your mind
These were the woods the river and sea
I think u better close it
Where a boy
In the listening
Summertime of the dead whispered the truth of his joy
To the trees and the stones and the fish in the tide.
And let me guide u 2 the purple rain
And the mystery
Purple rain purple rain
Sang alive
Purple rain purple rain
Still in the water and singingbirds.
Purple rain purple rain

And there could I marvel my birthday
If you know what I’m singing about up here
Away but the weather turned around. And the true
Joy of the long dead child sang burning
In the sun.
C’mon raise your hand
It was my thirtieth
Year to heaven stood there then in the summer noon
Though the town below lay leaved with October blood.
I only want 2 see u, only want 2 see u
In the purple rain
O may my heart's truth
Purple rain purple rain
Still be sung
Purple rain purple rain
On this high hill in a year's turning.
Purple rain purple rain

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resume help

I have to write a new resume.
The problem is, I can't remember anything I did at my last job.
Or the one before that. In fact, my job history is as spotted as a leper's corpse.
Speaking of spotted, I dreamed I was swimming in Tassajara creek, and a leopard was tracking me. It came at me, to attack, and I drowned it. But even though I should have felt like a total badass, I felt bad because I had killed the leopard. Even though it wanted to kill me.

But back to the resume.
I have to do it, and I don't wanna.

Here is a rough draft

Job: marketing asst. for semi-shady "gallery"
duties included: writing catalogue essays and copy, and spending the rest of the time fucking around online with you people
Job: assistant to director of international studies abroad, UC
duties included: witnessing the psychotic meltdowns of the repressed shoe-obsessed size 2 boss, dealing with insolence from the in-the-closet-J.Crew-wearing-top 40 blaring-mama's boy, and dating my boss's ex-husband after she left him.
Job? Zen trainee
duties included: cleaning toilets, shredding lettuce, and tarnishing my reputation

so much for my hirability.

somewhere between iowa and Big Sur my darling Clementine

I lost this scarf.
Has anyone seen it?



I miss Big Sur. And I miss my orange scarf.
Do we gotta lose everything? Do we??

And if anyone's seen a sweet guy in a green jacket, smoking an export A and laughing a distinctive laugh, tell him I say hello a thousand times.

Shaving Cream by Bob Dylan

No, really, seriously this time.

this is an audio post - click to play

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Bob Dylan sings Shaving Cream

Nah, I'm just kidding.
Bob Dylan's Dream

this is an audio post - click to play

Shaving Cream

My interpretation of the Benny Bell classic, which came my way via Boz's Brickbats, Vol. I.

this is an audio post - click to play

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You Can Go Your Own Way (Go Your Own Way)

I was trying to sing Stevie Nick's Stand Back but decided to try some Fleetwood Mac instead. And this was the only Fleetwood Mac song I knew.

this is an audio post - click to play


If you listen to this, you'll know why I had to wait until the house was empty to record it (because it's really loud). I think I scared the neighbors.

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Chat transcript from last night

goodnightsweetgrl (9/27/2005 12:54:41 AM): ut nyst be buce'
boz48730 (9/27/2005 12:54:54 AM): I didn't know you spoke German!
goodnightsweetgrl (9/27/2005 12:54:57 AM): do you know what that was supposed to say?
boz48730 (9/27/2005 12:55:05 AM): it must be nice
goodnightsweetgrl (9/27/2005 12:55:07 AM): yes!
boz48730 (9/27/2005 12:55:22 AM): I used babelfish to translate it
goodnightsweetgrl (9/27/2005 12:55:25 AM): hahahaha

We've had some complaints ...

Petey PG

Monday, September 26, 2005

Freewheelin'

Gus in Drag



I have a thing about dressing up dogs. It started with making halloween costumes out of construction paper for my pug back in the salad days of the nineties, and has progressed--I now consider myself the Edith Head of dog couture. This is Gus doing his best Grace Kelly impression.

Petey!!!

wrap a shillelleagh around my head

This is my sister's talented blue-eyed dog Sumi.
He can crawl like a commando when she says "what does GI Joe do?" and here he demonstrates his tamer "Sumi, wave" trick.




In other news
Discoveries of the last two days:
1) Shilleleaghs make good weapons but bad crutches
2) my leg hurts more at night after a few glasses of wine than it does during the day
3) ace bandages covered in dog hair are not sexy
4) Bad Girls--that cowgirl movie--is a late 90s fashion inspiration
5) Working Girl TOTALLY withstands the test of time!!!
6) Seeing the above movies and then turning on 2001:A Space Odessey is mindblowing esp if your leg hurts, you have had a few glasses of wine and your right hand has a callous from leaning on a shilleleagh for three days running
7)driving to Frisco with a bum accelerator foot makes driving dangerous and speeding relatively difficult
8) I really miss my mom when the chips are down and there is no one better than a mom to baby you when you are injured and sad
9) Rebel Leady Boy and Boz are excellent friday night singing companions when you are really sad and injured, not quite like mom, but funnier
10) no matter how many people try to convince me otherwise, I will always hate James Taylor

Well...fuck.

Your World View

Although you make a brave show of being self-sufficient, beneath this you are unhappy and rather mixed up.
You do not know what love is, and you are more likely to boast about your conquests in a bar than prove them in a bedroom.
You tend to attract the wrong kind of lover.

It's hard to imagine you leading a full, happy life.
The warmth and give-and-take of love are not for you.
Your sex life is ringed with unreality, and you neither understand nor appreciate the opposite sex.



While y'all are doing that, I'm going to make toast and take a bath at the same time.

CANDY CORN!?


So Jones Soda has done something, umm, interesting in the way of Halloween themed liquid death. "Candy Corn" flavored soda. I do understand that it's a characteristic of Halloween to be unappealing, and gross. But why? When I first opened the can I was instantly reminded of Apocalypse Now. Don't ask me why. There seems to be a collective similarity between the image of cows being slaughtered, men getting beheaded, the swealtering mosquito infested bowels of Vietnam and Candy Corn flavored Jones Soda. I don't know what's worse, the fact that they actually went out of their way to harness the flavor of Candy Corn or the fact that IT TASTES EXACTLY LIKE CANDY CORN.

Try if you like candy corn. Don't try it if you don't want to personally reserve your own seat in hell.

The post about rock 'n roll

The CDs have been burnt, there are 21 thigh slapping craptacular tracks on it.. some will make you laugh others will make you cry and then there are some which will just make you wanna take off your pants and dance around in your bedroom* Ive even dedicated some songs to certain house members. They should be sent off shortly (after a certain vixen emails me her Germanian home address - not you Boz!)

One band which features on the CD is Thirsty Merc, please note that this is not JUST because i believe front man Rai Thistlethwaight is sex on legs, or that i want to have his big haired children and have him look at me with those big brown eyes.... sorry i need a moment.. *sigh* Erm... yeah..




*This may be a slight exaggeration

Sunday, September 25, 2005

flea market find

Yeah sure.. relaxed.. thats me!




Your Mood Ring is Blue



Relaxed

At ease

Calm

Lovable


In honor of Martin Sheen's or Martin Scorcese's or Martha Stewart's Documentry on Bob Dylan

That will air on PBS tomorrow night ...
Listen to me sing A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall.
My sibilant s is quite prominent.

Touch me..

.. lower

Im thinking about putting together a "Real World Aussie Style" CD for y'all.

But its kinda pricey sending it to ALL OF YOU, So i'll probably send 1 to the U.S and 1 to the beer swilling nation of Germania and then you can copy it and send it to the next sucker or if the grand poohbah wants to distribute it ( after recieving a gift from moi) that could work too.. Or maybe i just wont do it.. bastards!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Welcome!

Look at this swell welcome mat I found!

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5 reasons why i dont suck

(whats goin on with me)

1. I drank five beers from five different nations last night - Geography teacher .. Oh yeah! *singing* "drinkin all ovah the weeeeeeerld"

2. Ive been walking around all day singing Stevie Nick's "Edge of Seventeen"

3. Ive lost 3 kilos.. at least the anxiety and panick attacks are good for something!

4. I had an hour long drunken ( see point 1) philosophical discussion about Buffy last night with a guy im crushing all over, after i found out he is as much of a geek as me. (we're so getting married)

5. Ive bought my ticket for the December 14th Greenday concert.

more ephemera



altar at tassajara bath house


the foot/bandaged/photo taken on valium that a helpful fellow practioner slipped to me the day I fell



self portrait in a hubcap in iowa city

Friday, September 23, 2005

Don't Bogart That Joint

this is an audio post - click to play

Home On the Range

(Lucille's Not Home Remix)

this is an audio post - click to play

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Bat Out of Hell

(Sang into a pillow and wearing a Frankenstein mask)

this is an audio post - click to play

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death of a clown

this is an audio post - click to play

For Crying Out Loud--Meatloaf turned to hash

this is an audio post - click to play

Tallahassie Lassie

this is an audio post - click to play

Pink Cadillac

this is an audio post - click to play

Happy Birthday to The Boss



In honor of Bruce Springsteen's 56th birthday I declare this
Bruce Springsteen Weekend on RW ... BS.
Rejoice and sing his praises!!!

jonnie's fish visits tassajara


I can't post anything of substance. I am really sad. My friend and dharma littermate died on monday down in SoCal. I got news at Tassajara. I came back. I am trying to get more information on the circumstances of his death. I can't say much.
But Jonnie, I brought the wooden fish to Tassajara and also the long underwear. The fish was happy. And I was warm. Thanks.
oh and also the book boz sent me came too. thanks boz.

tassajara ephemera



day six of torn ligament/sprained ankle bruise



this drawing was left beside the one phone in the whole place. Getting calls in or out is tough.

zen butts



the dalai lama offers me short consolation--the one unsmoked butt in all of tassajara!





Empty packs from the tassajara smoke pit.

Note how all the butts are smoked down to the filter.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Brickbats

Yesterday I unexpectedly received a 2 CD set of Boz's Brickbats: A Compilation of Humorous, Satirical, and Novelty Songs, Vols. I&II in the mail:



Shaving Cream - Be Nice and Clean...


The gift was unexpected because it was given out as a prize for the winner of Boz's recent "Boz's Choice" contest. I actually achieved the lowest score on that quiz, correctly answering 4 out of 15 questions. My more observant half, Sandralein, won the contest however and secretly arranged to have the CDs sent to me instead of all the way to Germany.

So thank you, Liebling; and thank you, Boz!!

I'm still absorbing the impact of the 55 track collection, but I think the immortal "Shaving Cream" is my favorite. That and Screamin' Jay Hawkin's outstanding "Constipation Blues".

Complete track listing:

Volume One
1. Hockey Monkey - James Kochalka
2. Martian Hop - The Ran-Dels
3. Leader of the Laundromat - The Detergents
4. Transfusion - Nervous Norvus
5. Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (Camp Granada) - Alan Sherman
6. Witch Doctor - David Seville
7. Can Blue Men Sing The Whites - Bonzo Dog Do Dah Band
8. Basketball Jones - Cheech & Chong featuring Tyrone Shoelaces
9. I'm A Hog For You Baby - The Coasters
10. Cover Of The Rolling Stone - Dr. Hook And The Medicine Show
11. Dead Puppies - Ogden Edsel
12. Who Put The Benzedrinde In Mrs. Murphy's Ovaltine - Harry the Hipster Gordon
13. Shaving Cream - Benny Bell
14. Flower Punk - The Mothers Of Invention
15. They're Coming To Take Me Away - Napolean the XIV
16. Baby Let Me Bang Your Box - Hank Ballard and the Midnighters
17. Troglodyte - The Jimmy Castor Bunch
18. Let It All Hang Out - The Hombres
19. Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor - Lonnie Donegan
20. Dead Skunk - Loudon Wainwright III
21. Licks Off Of Records - Martin Mull
22. Mister Spaceman - The Holy Modal Rounders
23. Are You A Boy, Or Are You A Girl - The Barbarians
24. Rednecks - Randy Newman
25. Disco Duck - Rick Dees
26. Chug-A-Lug - Roger Miller
27. The Mouse - Soupy Sales
28. Western Movies - The Olympics
29 CB Savage - Rod Hart

Volume Two
1. Please Mr. Custer - Larry Verne
2. My Boomerang Won't Come Back - Charlie Drake
3. Kookie, Kookie, Lend Me Your Comb - Connie Stevens and Ed "Kookie" Byrnes
4. Tans Shoes With Pink Shoelaces - Dodie Stevens
5. Fish Heads - Barnes & Barnes
6. Alley Oop - The Hollywood Argyles
7. Borneo - Jim Kweskin Jug Band
8. Don't Bogart That Joint - Fraternity of Man
9. Stranded In The Jungle - The Cadets
10. The Belle Of Avenue A - The Fugs
11. The Curley Shuffle - Jump In The Saddle Band
12. Yellow Polka Dot Bikini - Brian Hyland
13. Seven Little Girls Sittin' In The Backseat - Paul Evans and the Curls
14. Charlie on the MTA - The Kingston Trio
15. Beep Beep - The Playmates
16. Purple People Eater - Sheb Wooley
17. Political Science - Randy Newman
18. Ahab The Arab - Ray Stevens
19. The Rodeo Song - Chris LeDoux
20. Constipation Blues - Screamin' Jay Hawkins
21. King Tut - Steve Martin
22. Along Came Jones - The Coasters
23. Short Shorts - The Royal Teens
24. Brand New Key - Melanie
25. Three Little Fishies - Kay Kayser Orchestra
26. My Name Is Larry - Wild Man Fisher

And like that wasn't enough generosity, I also received a flashy "Jesus Is My Co-Pilot" magnet which just happens to match my new 99 cent Frankenstein mask perfectly -


Jesus is my co-pilot.

Thank You!
Thank You!!
Thank YOU!!!
I am blessed!!!

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Wednesday, September 21, 2005

5, 6, 7, 8 Who do we all love to hate?

Marcus Kellis.

...Something Must Be Done

Who is this BASTARD name taking, Modest Mouse quoting sonofabitch and why does he exist?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Grapette, Shmapette

"When I was little (and when I say this I mean when I was little-little and therefore bears no vacancy for you old people to bash my word choice) I used to ride with my dad to the post office every day to pick up our mail because our particular religious orientation doesn't actually allow us to use mailboxes or other such receival points for paper/package natured material, but anyway at this post office they would have two soda machines. One was an RC cola machine, and oh boy let me tell you if this was an "RC Cola Memory Submition Form" I'd milk it for it's money worth, but this isn't, this is a Grapette Submittal form and I'm here to talk about Grapette! The other machine was...some other machine, I don't remember it catering specifically to Grapette but I did find the big clear plastic Grapette button and I did push it (after placing the correct amount of change in the machine of course, I'm not a thief...or am I?)! Man I used to drink that stuff so much, that and RC Cola. Moreso RC Cola than Grapette, really. Okay...now that I think about it, I can only remember drinking that one can. And now that I delve, I think I bought a can of RC cola right after that to wash the taste out of my mouth. I'd say that the more appealing concept of Grapette to me is the first sip. The first sip was pretty good, I have to admit. It's not like RC cola, I can put a 2-liter down like a wounded moose-You don't know!
Well thanks for the memory Grapette! I think I'll drive out and pick up a case of Grapette and a case of RC to relive a memory or two right now!"


-belle

Grapette Memories


Wal-Mart has been selling Grapette grape soda and their website has a section called Grapette Memories that lists selected customer memories about Grapette.

I was disappointed that anecdotes don't post automatically because I sent in this one:

I recently tried Grapette for the first time and found it so delicious and affordable that I purchased 2 12-packs and 4 2-liter bottles. They didn't last nearly as long as I thought they would, because I couldn't stop drinking it.

After about 4 days, I was having sharp kidney pains and (I don't know if this is related or not, but it almost HAS to be) pain in my testicles. Also, my poopy was green! And I hadn't been eating any vegetables!!

So I took it easy awhile - the kidney pain passed pretty quickly, after I drank a lot of water. The testicle pain lasted about a week after I discontinued my Grapette consumption. And finally, after quite some time, my poopy has returned to normal.

Perhaps I am allergic to a dye or something used in Grapette, but I really don't care. It is DELICIOUS!!

I think we should all visit Grapette's Submit A Memory Page and try to get one included on their website.

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Monday, September 19, 2005

Mommy

Make the scary man go away.

Avast! I've been'a'scurvyin' everywhere.

My apologies you spotty sea devils! But over that there weekend I unfortunately came down with the most dastardly case of ....sea....Davey Jones....shipwreck....dead man's chest...syndrome. So I wurz confined to me quarters for the duration.


Argh. Avast, it appears that Boz's been'a spendin' way too much time on TalkeLikeAPirate.com

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Avast, ye scurvy dogs.
It be talk like a pirate day.
So post something piratey.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Google Montage

Fat guys



click click the fay guys for full size

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Boz sings A Brickbat

Political Science

this is an audio post - click to play

Since you care

I LOVE montage-a-google!

Thank you Jonnie for posting the link!

One of my favorites so far: clicky clicky

Mega Montage

"Mega Millions" =

(Click to view larger image)

Courtesty of Montage-A-Google

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Gilliomville

boz48730

An auto google image montage of boz48730

Friday, September 16, 2005

Auto-Montage

Here's a good invention & time waster -
"Montage-A-Google" or "Google-A-Montage" or something along those lines.

Just enter a term or terms & it picks 20 images from Google's image search & automatically generates a montage.

Like "Jonnie Sandra" =

Click to view larger image.

Or "poontang" =

Click to view larger image.

Montage-A-Google is Right Here, Right Now.

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The results for Boz's Choice

Sandra 11 - The winner.
belle 9 - The cheater.
dvl 8 - The one who should have gotten them all right.
thedexter 5 - The good job for not being around that long.
Jonnie 4 - The he should be ashamed of himself.

Answers, with who picked what.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Money, money, money

The Mega Millions jackpot is up to $250,000,000.00.
Tickets are available in California, Georgia, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Texas, Virginia, and Washington.
Go buy a ticket for tomorrow nights drawing ... NOW!!!

What would you do if you won?

Remember dvl's photo challenge?

Melissa and I are trying to revive that idea.
We have created a photo blog called Visionary.
Take a look, and if you are interested in joining let one of us know.

Another track from Boz's Brickbats

Ahab the Arab as sung by Ray Stevens from about 1962.
Honest, it's only slightly racist.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Boz's Choice

Only two entrants in the Boz's Choice competition.
You have until Friday to enter.
C'mon, you could be brain dead and beat Jonnie and thedexter's scores.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Medicine

For the benefit of Boz as he suffers from his sinus infection:


Woo! Woo!


That never fails to cheer me up, even if I have a fever.

Or this:


She's cooking weenies!

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I'm sick today

I've got a sinus infection, do something to cheer me up.