The Real World ... Blogger Style: 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Ode to Ronnie James Dio

RJD
The masses bow down to you
Demon worship ballyhooed
Devil horns raised in salute
Holy Diver you are
Dream Evil we will because of you
We'll know for the first time
That your evil is divine
All The Fools Sailed Away
Returning at your feet
Sabbath continued with you at the mic
The Elfish Rainbow in the sky
Metal worshippers surround you
And you rise above them all
RJD
The Rainbow In The Dark

Now (Jonnie espcially) find all the references in here to song titles, song lyrics, and album titles. Go to it worshippers of the metal lord that is RJD!!! BOW DOWN TO HIM FUCKERS!!

Post Olympic Salute!

We're all Olympic'd out (Belle on skating apparently)...
In honor of contest, of world domination, of sport, I offer the following.

Apolo Ohno
Tokyo
Sympatico
I blame the Beatle breakup on Yoko
I don't know
Use Miracle Gro
Dubya blows
Torino snow
Venice is low
Get high on blow
This thing sucks
Gotta go...

Be glad that Vancouver is harder to rhyme; trust me I'm trying!!

Monday, February 27, 2006

A post from posa

Rosa sent me this to post. I have no comment.

Take my new Quizilla quiz

Sunday, February 26, 2006

My Sexy Name

Porn Star or My Little Pony?

Even though I only got 5 out of 12 correct, I think this is the greatest quiz of all time.

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Which Sopranos Woman are you?

none
You are Carmela Soprano! Pious and loyal, you play

the role of peacemaker. You mask your own

problems by trying to solve other peoples',

and are perceived by many as stable and

faultless, though you have your secrets!


Which Sopranos woman are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday Quiz Day

Except I'm not a rat.

None
You are Sal

Which Sopranos man are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Between being Big Pussy and getting free food from Del Taco due to a new worker's inexperience, this might be the greatest day of my life to date.

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Tomorrow:

New season of The Apprentice


I like the move to Monday night, though I think Trump is doing it so he does not have to compete against any other strong shows.

Last season was the crappiest ever and I hope Trump did not hand-pick the contestants this time. He did a particularly bad job of picking women last season.

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Why me ... why me !!!

Following the Winter Olympics women's figure skating competition a clearly distraught belle goes on a multi-state rampage leaving death and carnage in her wake.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

It's a sad day

Don Knotts, dead at 81.



Nip it, nip it in the bud.

Presidents Day Gift Exchange Pics

The loot, check out the camo wrapping paper!!!




I didn't blow the streamer all the way up because of diminished lung capacity.




How radical is this!!!




The proper way to dispose of plastic bags. Please remember these are not toys and should not be treated as such.

Boz opens his Presidents Day Package

this is an audio post - click to play

Presidential Gift Exchange

My package from Jonnie & Boz's First Annual Presidents Day Gift Exchange has arrived and I can't believe Boz packed all this stuff into one envelope:

First Annual Presidential Gift Exchange loot.


I can now tell you that future RLB DVD reviews will cover Hot Rod Girl, T-Bird Gang, Circus of Fear, and Carnival of Souls.

Probably the most practical item was a selection of four "Religious Pens" from a company called "The Genesis Collection". While the pens' artwork depicts gay scenes of blond angel babies and footwear, their saving grace is the inclusion of a long lanyard at the top; so you can wear the pen around your neck, hang it on a peg in the outhouse, or hang yourself with it.

Religious Pen with lanyard identified.


The four pens come in two varieties, with one set of each style.

The first style is a "Jesus Loves Me" theme which depicts the gay blond angel with moons and stars even though it is daylight since clouds are also visible in the sky scene that makes up the background.

The second style is a "Walk With Jesus" theme which depicts various footprints from bare feet as well as sandles and sneakers in various colors on a sort of purple/fade-to-blue/fade-back-to-purple background.

Also included in the package was a sticker from 0nnyx Tat00z and a magnet from a dentist who goes by the name "Daniel the Filipino".

And, while my keychain used to consist of a simple ring and bottle opener, it now boats a genuine leather Deen Arbor Chevrolet Cadillac of E. Twas panel -



Finally, I'm proud to not be left out of the rock and roll boxers club as Boz has sent me a handsome pair of The Who underwear -
Who are You
Who Who Who Who


The ass says Tommy - 1969 - my actual birth year (and I'm sure Boz knew that when he purchased them). It also depicts Pete Townsend playing guitar while leaping up into the air in the fetal position -

Tommy, can you hear me?


So not only are these Who shorts, they are special commemorative Tommy - 1969 shorts and they ROCK. I want to play pinball in them.

Thank you Boz! I had no idea the Presidential Gift Exchange would be so lavish!
I thought it was just a reason to send Easter stuff sooner!

Who's in on the upcoming May Day gift exchange?

If you want to participate, speak up in the comments.

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Friday, February 24, 2006

R U EMU

I am 18% Emo.
Anti-Emo  ...hrmph.
Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Hugh is stalking us, Jonnie


I found this advertisement in my latest (and next to last) Maxim yesterday.
What concerns me is the second name on the list.
I thought that only myself and the Holy Trinity of Feel Good Night used it, and only as the secret
password to the dungeon of Good Feeling (on the third Tuesday of the month in the dungeon of Good Feeling Belle dresses as a Russian skater and does triple toe loops on stage.)

So the question begs to be axed...did Jonnie sell the name, or aren't we as original as we thought??
Not so inquiring minds don't give a flying fuck...

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Am I Normal?

Your Normalcy Quotient is: 69 out of 100.

Your quiz results make you a Quirky Character

Take the Are You Normal? quiz.

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Juan Bodley is ill...in more ways than one!!

Hi ya'll.
I think I need to let you guys and ladies know that I've not been feeling so well this past week and so my blogging activity may come and go for a while.
The reason is my gall bladder has been acting up (and I have a SHITLOAD of stones.) I don't have insurance so I'm going to apply for welfare and hopefully Medicaid too. Then I just have to get the little sucker ripped out. And the surgery doesn't take that long.

So I may come and go...don't fret it. If you don't see anything from me it's just because I'm not doing that well, but gallstone attacks can come and go. I'll keep you cats up to date.

Monday, February 20, 2006

My Archie Nemesis

Sunday, February 19, 2006

My Arch Nemesis

Your arch-nemesis is:
Hugh Heffner



Why?
Because they beat you at table tennis
The winner will be...
They are going to kill you
Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

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Sunday Quiz Day

You fit in with:
Atheism


Your ideals mostly resemble those of an Atheist. You have very little faith and you are very focused on intellectual endeavors. You value objective proof over intuition or subjective thoughts. You enjoy talking about ideas and tend to have a lot of in depth conversations with people.

40% scientific.
60% reason-oriented.



Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

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Saturday, February 18, 2006

Hey Jimi, who has the biggest Strat???

hop

rosa --
[adjective]:

Like in nature to a kangaroo

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

More brick testament

1 Corinthians 7:3
The husband must give to his wife what she has a right to expect.


1 Corinthians 7:3
And so too the wife to her husband.

The Brick Testament



1 Corinthians 11:6
Indeed, if a woman does go without a veil, she should have her hair cut off too.


Christian doctrine. And yet... Does this remind you of anything?

The image comes from the Brick Testament--Bible Scenes illustrated entirely with Legos!
Check it out!

http://www.thebricktestament.com/

TGIS REDUX II

TGIS REDUX

TGIS

Friday, February 17, 2006

TGIF ya'll...


This says it all.

This little tidbit of insanity is from The Family Suckass. Courtesy of my dear sister Jennifer. She's got wit, she's got class, if ya don't like the Suckass she'll kick your not-funny ass!!!

TGIF motherfuckers!!!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

When Boz's car dreams...



I think if the BozWagon had a soul it would want to be this.

Not an F1 car, not a stock car, but a car that brings joy to children and fantasies to women worldwide. Indeed I think it would sing...

Oh I wish I was an Oscar Mayer weiner
I could get the women all the time...

It could happen...

My world is normal again...

Tuesday was a glorious day for me...
My favorite electronic surplus shop that I thought had closed and disappeared forever is still open, just in a different place!!!! I bought a transistor for my TV (the horizontal output driver) and I had them order 2 more. Just like that my world becomes beautiful again. Praise the NTE gods!! And Father Boz...

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A cry for help

Belle being deprogrammed after the closing ceremonies of this years Winter Olympics.

Dvl and rosa posa posa posa posa

Everyone leave comments on this post telling what they most miss about dvl and rosa posa posa posa posa posa not being around.
If I feel like it I will email them in a couple of days with the results, and they will be thrilled and warmed and a bit verklumpt as we welcome them back with clicking tongues and open arms.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Rudy can't fail

My car is the kickinest spunkiest pluckiest go-getter whose gas pedal has ever been trodden down.
She's red. She was made the year I graduated high school.
She is so tenacious she still smells like my mom's perfume, my sister's dog, my housemate's roll yer owns, and my...oh who am I kidding, I produce no odors whatsoever.


Her theme song is by the CLASH. I sing it when we're riding on fumes because I refuse to buy gas at the expensive station near my work and I need to make it home before we stall out. The song totally gets her going. I don't usually anthropomorphize stuff this much, but Rudy can't fail.

How you get so rude and reckless
Don't you be so crude and feckless
You've been drinking brew for breakfast
Rudy Can't Fail

I know that my life makes you nervous
But I tell you I can't live in service
Like a doctor born for a purpose
Rudy Can't fail


Japanese rag used to wipe up coffee spills... cracked windshield

I went to the mar ket to realize my soul
What I need I just don't have
First they cursed then they press me till I hurt(they say)
Rudy Can't fail


Rudy with a friend

First you must cure your temper
Then find a job in the paper
You need someone for a savior
Rudy can't fail

Now we get so rude and a reckless
we been seen looking cool an'a speckless
we been drinking brew for breakfast
so rudie can't fail

backseat still life--empty cig box and Ulysesses on tape (checked out of the library since November)

Juan Bodley's DJ voice lessons

First you should all remember that, at one time, I WAS a professional DJ. Now I'm just a hack so try this at your own risk.

1. Practice your breathing so you take long slow breaths. Breathe in, hold it, now slowly let it out.
2. Take in a breath and say as much as you can as fast as you can. Record this on Audioblogger and keep practicing. The true professional speaker can go about 25-30 seconds on a breath.
3. Pay me $150 every time you try this; this is my fee. Those who don't pay will have their vocal chords ripped out by Belle. In revenge for JonBenet.

Now go in the bathroom start the shower and let the steam permeate the throat. Inhale the hard water vapor, and practice your speed Audioblogging!!

Monday, February 13, 2006

A message from JohnnyC.!!!

Now you can hear the mighty JohnnyC. speak!! Like You wanted to anyway!!
AmyJo this is for you...
this is an audio post - click to play

Valentines Day Audio

How Jonnie met Sandra -
this is an audio post - click to play

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AmyJo in Wonderland



To get to AmyJo's Happy Place, you take the Happy Trail.




You pass a happy tree (really happy if you have a dirty mind)





Oh wait, what's this?



A pleasure boat, run aground.


Ahoy.



Ahoy.

Boz is our god...(or is it God??)

Here in Indiana we have some strange people (myself not included.) From time to time a group some call the "holy rollers" or "glory barn" sect pop up, claiming they heal themselves with prayer and don't need hospitals. These goons and jerks haven't made any noise lately and I'm wondering where they went. Well, in this state of nut jobs, whack jobs, and holy jackasses I've decided to start my own religion, and Boz is the prophet we'll follow. So now of course I need to have the minions who will believe in Boz and his teachings (such as a Chevy Cobalt is a poor man's Cadillac,) so now I've decided to get my family going, I'll e-seduce AmyJo. So now, me lady, you must give up everything, come to Indiana, and we'll let our love-children be misguided by my ravings and Boz's truths. Jonnie, you'll be our West Coast rep., and with Sandra you guys will secure the movie rights to the religious tele-drama that all the low power Jesus Freak stations will air at 2AM. Belle shall grace us with the telling of how JonBenet went from downtrodden waif to holy saint in the Church of Boz. And we'll elect a person to appear on Trump's Apprentice to tell our tale...

Remember kids, religions are usually left alone and they get great tax breaks, so let's all move to Michigan and we'll commune in the Mitten State!!! Bow down to our holy lord Boz!!!!

Olympic sized rewards...

I wish I could give out real hardcore true to their name medals but I cannot so I, Juan Bodley, chairman of the IBOC (the International Blogympic fullOfcrap Committee,) award the following medals in the following categories:

Bronze medal, 1500M new car buying, Boz
His style in picking a simple auto and seeking to give it personality earns this hardware.
Bronze medal, open track discount shopping, Jonnie and Boz
The remote control purchase almost won it for you alone Boz.
Silver medal, attraction to inanimate objects, AmyJo
Hello Kitty? Hello Silver medal!!
Silver medal, the JonBenet award...
Up for grabs; taking nominations...
Silver medal, long distance calling, Sandra
Soon you'll be leaving the German team but the US team has openings!!
Gold medal, 5000M blog reconstruction, RLB
Nacho category you say? Nay I say!! Indeed you are the Feel Good Darling so hoist that trophy!!
Gold medal, 15000M Blog jumping, Boz
Accepting this award Moonie Pottie??
Or is he over at the 99 cent store??

The IBOC awards these prizes free of any stress or undue pressure to award these fictional prizes so don't wait by the mailbox!!!

As Road Hog Weekend Winds Down

My First Car

this is an audio post - click to play

Sunday, February 12, 2006

This one might come in handy for Jonnie

Can you pass as a German?


My results:
You got 380 points.
Ok, you might not attract the wrong kind of attention, yet... you are not German, but you might pass as Bavarian ;-)

Sunday Spring Fashion Quiz

From Seventeen magazine's Which Spring Trend Was Made for You? quiz.

(I found this quiz by accident while looking for a good Sopranos quiz)

Dots
Polka dots perfectly express your timeless (but fun!) style. Sure, they're a little retro, but they're also very hot and one of spring's best trends. Right now, you can find them on everything from basic belts to formal dresses. Besides traditional all-white or all-black dots on a solid fabric, look for patterns featuring dots of several different colors. This graphic design is cute, cheerful, and also classic!

Another trend to try: Floral

Hmmmm....I suppose a polka dot belt would be pretty cool, come to think of it.

Update:
The link is apparently not straightforward at all. Seventeen magazine wants you to enter their site through their main page only. So don't take this quiz unless you feel like experiencing inconvenience.

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Sunday night is quiz night


Boz --

[noun]:

A poltergeist sent back in time to change the course of history forever



'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com


I found this over at Mo's blog.

Blue Van Memory

For Roadhog Weekend, I'm reprinting a very early Nacho post from way back on December 17, 2003. It's a pretty funny piece of Jonnie history which is no longer posted in my archives, though it is available on my hard drive:

The Post went something like this -

When I'd recently arrived in Anchorage and was getting on my feet, I'd bought a van real cheap from a co-worker who I later learned was also a crack dealer. It was a pretty fun van to drive - there was a huge Malcolm X banner hanging in the back & a bunch of wooden beads colored like the African flag hanging from the rearview mirror; not something a white guy generally drives around town. It really turned heads on occasion.

So until something better came along, I took a job working with disabled kids. On my first day, I drove that van & I remember having a completely overbearing head cold at the time. I was in the back of the van looking for some kleenex & found this huge caliber sawed-off shotgun in the back! I don't know what I was thinking (I was ill & disoriented at the time), but I picked it up & pulled the trigger (I guess to see if it worked) and BLAMMM!!

Blew a hole right through the side of my new van. Right in the parking lot of the house I was going to work in on my first day! I just remember my ears ringing like crazy & the smell of gunpowder. I'm glad nobody was outside in the parking lot! The lady who ran the house came running out & asked me what was going on. All I could think about was my headcold & I didn't want to explain it all to her, so I stupidly stuck my head out the window, held up the shotgun & said, "I just shot a hole in my van. I have a headcold", as if that explained anything at all.

She didn't say a word, went back in the house. I came in a little later & started my first shift. We later became fairly good aquaintences, but she NEVER mentioned the incident as long as I knew her. Pretty easy going lady, that one.


In the above pic, brother Todd is holding his Swiss Army knife by the shotgun hole for scale. It wasn't too far from hitting the gas tank. That would've been a mess.

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