What I'll Be Wearing in 2008

At the end of 2007, Sandra & I returned home with what I thought must be the only piece of apparel I'd need in 2008 - a hoody featuring a fake-faded image of Marvel superheros indulging in a free-for-all:

RLB's Superhero Hoody, 2008.
Well, California's climate requires a t-shirt for most of the year, so imagine how thrilled I was to find a customized t-shirt from Boz in the mail (I don't consider this to be a flattering picture of myself by any stretch of the imagination, but I didn't want to shoot a different one):

The G-Ville Screaming Wankers.
I wonder if it would be ok for me to wear this t-shirt to work.
Danke, Boz!

Awesome Christmas Gifts, 2007

I love all my 2007 xmas gifts, but I think there is one in particular which deserves a special blog spotlight due to its uniqueness and over-the-topness. The gift is courtesy of Brother Todd and it is something that I think could only be acquired at a midwestern flea market (which is indeed exactly where he acquired it), or possibly a southern flea market.

Sandra and I were intrigued immediately after removing the wrapping paper, because we found ourselves staring at a fine tin case which depicts Elvis Presley standing in front of an indigo curtain. I thought this fine tin case wouldn't be a bad gift in itself:

Stored in a handsome tin case depicting Elvis Presley.
When I opened the case, I was momentarily unable to move from disbelief. The case contained, not one, but FOUR Elvis Presley KNIVES - AND one Elvis Presley bottle opener!! This is so badass!!

[ Click to view larger image. ]
Each knife handle bears images of Elvis in his prime (on BOTH sides of the knife) and the bottle opener depicts Vegas Elvis. This was so over the top, I could hardly believe it. FOUR Elvis knives - AND one Elvis Presley bottle opener, all packed in a handsome carrying case!

The knives are all functional. They even have locks on them, so it's less likely the knife user will cut themselves. Sandra and I can walk around with a different one every day.

[ Click to view larger image. ]
So if anybody visits us, rest assured you won't need to bring a knife. You can use one of our elite Elvis knives for the duration of your visit (though you will have to return it to the case before you leave).

Thanks Todd!!

T-Shirt Exchange, Summer '07

Boz's latest shipment was a marvel of packing. In my nearly two years working in a shipping department, I never saw a $4.95 flat rate envelope stuffed half as full as this one was. It really makes you appreciate the value of tape.

The envelope contents covered nearly half of our new red leather couch -



Sandra received a fine Germany World Cup t-shirt and I received a fine Miller Genuiine Draft "Rock & Peace" festival t-shirt which is now what I always wear out to the pool.

But, while most people would think the flat-rate priority envelope was full after stuffing it with 2 t-shirts, Boz did not hesitate to double the contents by including a makeup bag, a deck of cards with $100 bills printed on the back, a small computer mouse, palm tree stickers, 2 toothbrushes which contain flashing red lights, 5 mexican drink mixes (which remind us of our dear Santa Ana), the East Tawas Business Directory, and a handful of Sour Power candy strips (which I am addicted to).

Danke Boz - this was a packing achievement that only somebody who has worked in a shipping department for nearly 2 years can appreciate.

The normally thin priority flat rate envelope would not even fit in our mailbox. It was waiting by the door when we came home. I can't believe it didn't burst.

This was the greatest T-Shirt Exchange ever.

English Leather

One thing that I'm getting tired of seeing in my notebook is my notes from a cheap cologne test I've been wanting to conduct.

A couple of years ago, Boz sent me a selection of 4 mini bottles of classic colognes for Christmas. I was always going to wear a different cologne on each day and record peoples' reactions to it. The experiment never happened though because I didn't want to show up at work smelling like British Sterling.

In fact, the cheap cologne set did not survive our last move, but then last Christmas, our landlord gave me the same set for Christmas, so I thought maybe I would just keep getting it again and again until I actually perform the survey.

I got as far as testing English Leather about five months ago, but based on those results, I just don't see myself testing the other three brands any time soon. I don't think Sandra will let me.

So, I might as well post the results of my English Leather test.

1. English Leather

Initial Impression - The smell made me feel like shaving. It smelled exactly like it smells when you clean old whiskers out of an electric razor.

Extended Impression - Fumes resulted in a severe headache. I put my shirt in the laundry in case it absorbed some of the cologne. Perhaps I used an excessive amount. After the headache persisted, I decided to take a shower as well.

Chick Test - Sandra comments, "You smell like my grandpa in the early 1970s".

The Greatest Gift Package from Boz (aside from our wedding gift)

It's incredible what Boz can fit into a 6"X6"X2" box.
The Greatest Gift Package from Boz (aside from our wedding gift)

Virtual Record Store

I made a great discovery at Barnes & Nobles' discount shelf last night:


Horrifically Bad Album Covers - by Nick D1fonz0
It's full of colorful photographs of album covers which are, according to the author, horrifically bad. Such as George Milstein's Music to Grow Plants -


And this lady getting ready to deepthroat a lightbulb -


It is a hard covered masterpiece with a dust jacket and priced to go at only $9.99. I almost bought a couple of extras for gifts.

The best part of the book is when you are leafing through and notice an album that would be just perfect for you or for somebody you know.

Like this one for me -


Perfect gift for Rebel Leady Boy.
Since this blog is a virtual community, I thought I would go record shopping through this book and pick up a suitable gift record album for each of you.

For Sandra -


Music to Soothe that Tiger.
Perfect. Right down to the katzen imagery.

For Malone -


A Nite Cap with Larry.
I know Malone appreciates the super heroes.
Larry seems like he may be a super hero of sorts.

For JohnnyC -


Keep the Dogs Away - Thor.
Norse-Metal answer to Who Let the Dogs Out?

For AmyJo -


Lord, Lubricate My Bones - Rev. Clarence Henderson.
That looks like a good one.

For Rosa Posa Posa -

Ding Dong School.
No comment.

For Belle -

Teen Age Dance Party.
You can tell, by the look on that girl's face, that this album is FAB.

For Marci -


The Whole Church Should Get Drunk.
"A Soul Stirring Sermon by Rev. Dr. James Wade".

Yeah!

For DVL -


Organ Freak Out!
Those girls look like they're having a good time.

And for Boz -


Julie's Sixteenth Birthday.
I don't know what those two are discussing on the cover, but I can tell the guy is more happy about it than Julie is.

Media Mail

Boz's media mail package has been sent -

Faygo Redpop Exchange.

Presidential Gift Exchange

My package from Jonnie & Boz's First Annual Presidents Day Gift Exchange has arrived and I can't believe Boz packed all this stuff into one envelope:

First Annual Presidential Gift Exchange loot.

I can now tell you that future RLB DVD reviews will cover Hot Rod Girl, T-Bird Gang, Circus of Fear, and Carnival of Souls.

Probably the most practical item was a selection of four "Religious Pens" from a company called "The Genesis Collection". While the pens' artwork depicts gay scenes of blond angel babies and footwear, their saving grace is the inclusion of a long lanyard at the top; so you can wear the pen around your neck, hang it on a peg in the outhouse, or hang yourself with it.

Religious Pen with lanyard identified.

The four pens come in two varieties, with one set of each style.

The first style is a "Jesus Loves Me" theme which depicts the gay blond angel with moons and stars even though it is daylight since clouds are also visible in the sky scene that makes up the background.

The second style is a "Walk With Jesus" theme which depicts various footprints from bare feet as well as sandles and sneakers in various colors on a sort of purple/fade-to-blue/fade-back-to-purple background.

Also included in the package was a sticker from 0nnyx Tat00z and a magnet from a dentist who goes by the name "Daniel the Filipino".

And, while my keychain used to consist of a simple ring and bottle opener, it now boats a genuine leather Deen Arbor Chevrolet Cadillac of E. Twas panel -



Finally, I'm proud to not be left out of the rock and roll boxers club as Boz has sent me a handsome pair of The Who underwear -
Who are You
Who Who Who Who

The ass says Tommy - 1969 - my actual birth year (and I'm sure Boz knew that when he purchased them). It also depicts Pete Townsend playing guitar while leaping up into the air in the fetal position -

Tommy, can you hear me?

So not only are these Who shorts, they are special commemorative Tommy - 1969 shorts and they ROCK. I want to play pinball in them.

Thank you Boz! I had no idea the Presidential Gift Exchange would be so lavish!
I thought it was just a reason to send Easter stuff sooner!

Who's in on the upcoming May Day gift exchange?

If you want to participate, speak up in the comments.

AmyJap

Thank you for the Japanese ephemera, AmyJo!

Roll Call:


Boss Coffee, Featuring Boz, by Suntory!


My Personal Favorite, American Coffee, by DyDo!


And the Famous "Life Partner" Brand Fruity Drink, also by Suntory!

(All products modelled by the Japanese vending machine robot)

Deluxe Bobble Pen

Look at this loot from Boz!!

That hulk bobblehead's feet come off to reveal a pen!
For writing on that wall of post-it notes.


And sure enough, Elmer's Brain Eraser did not even phase the Hulk ink, so I think it is genuine.

Thanks, Boz!!

Arrr!!!!!

Thank you for the eyepatch, AmyJo!!!!

I love it and will wear it daily!

I also loved the Leroy Neiman postcards and sticker, and especially the envelope art:

(Click to view larger image)

I want to go to Long John Silvers now.
I'm going to go out and dig up some treasure to send you.

Have a safe flight!

Santalein Klaus

My XIJIF Santa was my beloved Sandralein and she sent a box packed with goodies -


A more thorough discussion is posted on Nacho Steppinstone since I don't want to make too much clutter on what will probably be a heavy posting day at RW...BS!.

The most surprising item, however, were the German peach gummies. They're totally different than American gummies, in terms of flavor. Made by a Hamburg gummie specialist, these gummies contain no artificial flavors or preservatives and little fragments of real peach in each one.
Truely a marvel of German engineering -


The flavor surpasses anything I've ever experienced in the gummie realm.
Little Gummie / Big Flavor.
The flavor is like eating real peaches. These gummies surpass any gummie I've ever sampled.

I also love the cassette of German music, especially "Werewolf" (the German "Vervolf" pronunciation gives it extra flair).

Sandra interprets the lyrics as follows:
Ich bin ein junger Werwolf - halb Mensch halb Tier
Ich bin ein junger Werwolf - ich will was von dir

I'm a little werewolf - half man half beast
I'm a little werewolf - I want something from you

Keiner versteht das - Toeten macht Spass

Nobody understands - killing is fun

Ich bin ein junger Werwolf - ich brauch dein Blut
Ich bin ein junger Werwolf - ich will dir was tun

I'm a little werewolf - I need your blood
I'm a little werewolf - I'm going to get you

And - Gotter Speise Waldmeister Geschmack, Thunfisch-Spezialitaet fur Pasta, Bill Bryson's travel narratives (Bryson grew up in the American midwest, lived his adulthood in Europe, then returned to small-town America and recorded much of the differences between the two cultures in a very conversational writing style), a wonderful letter and photo of Sandralein herself, Hackfleisch Kase Suppe, Gaucho meatsnacks, and lots of high caffeine German candy for the late study nights. And much much more!!

Danke Liebchen!
Ich Liebe Dich Uber Alles!!

DECENT!!!

In addition to bootleg Sharpies, Boz's giftpack included a Hulk nightlight which is perfect for my bathroom -


Also, there is a great rollerblade kit, discussed in more detail over at Nacho Steppinstone -

The skates fit onto a person's fingers perfectly, making an extremely lifelike rollerblading experience -


I call this trick, "Hulk Bukkake" -

The Loot

It seems like XIJIF already, especially since I bought "Holiday Spice Pepsi" at the 99cent store today.

Boz certainly knows how to put together a gift package, here's the evidence -


There is too much here for one post, so I will feature a different item in various posts both here & on the Nacho blog. Until I've covered everything.

First off, there was an open package of counterfit Sharpies -

They're extremely lifelike & I think it would be difficult to prove they aren't the real McCoy. 4 colors, one for each mood.

Kicking Off the XIJIF Season

Live audio footage of Jonnie opening a gift package from Boz, just moments after it arrived in the mailbox.