The Real World ... Blogger Style: 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004

Saturday, January 31, 2004


self portrait is now posted.
nudity ... nudity ... nudity ...

riddle me this:

1. if you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Reese's Pieces.

2. are you happy with your life right now? what would you change, if anything?
i'm happier than i thought i could be, but i still want to be earning better money and playing more Dr. Mario.

3. do you think you are the smartest member of the bloghouse?
no... wait... yeah, no.

4. what is your biggest guilty pleasure?
i have so many, but it has to be a tie between power ballads and Star Trek. somebody help me.

5. do you tend to be aware of your surroundings? in other words, if i were standing behind you with a cream pie right now, would you be able to duck before i hit you with it?
i claim to be very aware, though my glazed-over gaze suggests otherwise.

Questions. questions, questions...

1. Everyone is obsessed with one movie or series of movies, what's yours?
Evil Dead series.. if it wasn't obvious. (I have one of the largest "stuff from that movie series" collections ever)

2. Can you play an instrument? What is it?
Bass guitar, oh yes, I rock out.

3. Biggest money wasting vice?
Either my compulsive buying of DVDs or any new technology.

4. Have any phobias, allergies, or compulsive behaviors?
No, no, and I must bank-face all moneys in my wallet in order from least to greatest at ALL times.

5. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Because I said so.

What happens when

two drunk women, marci and her best friend melanie, get together with two smartasses, belle and boz, in an AIM chatroom late on a Friday night?

1.Roger Ebert
a. dead or alive
b. his sexuality
c. where he puts his thumbs

2. Iowa
a. it doesn't exist

3. Melanie
a. 11.3 months without sex
b. infomed by the boy she always took for granted over the phone that he
is now engaged
c. refuses to believe that the boy was getting sex while we talked.

4. Marci
a. typing in foriegn language
b. phoning everyone in her address book
c. apologizing for melanie's shyness

5. Belle
a. CIA agent
b. porn site operator
c. Nancy McKeon

6. Boz
a. male prostitute
b. shortstop for the toronto blue jays
c. John Lithgow


Ok, so I missed the part where we were supposed to post our shoes, so here are my and Jer's shoes. My questions are coming up, so prepare yourselves. Between that damn Road Rules show and the constant paparazzi I'm finding it difficult to focus. :::::shields eyes from the glare of flash bulbs::: See what I mean? I didn't have this problem til Boz leaked to the press that whole lesbian prison story. :::more flash bulbs::::

Goose's 5 questions and answers

1. What would you spend more time doing if you didn't have this or another blogpage?
Playing with my kids

2. What is something or name an event in your life that drastically changed you forever for better or for worse?
Having kids really opened up my eyes to responsibility and fiscal mindness

3. Where is your absolute favorite place to be in this world?
Bleachers at Wrigley Field

4. Do you believe that Christ is God? If not, what do you believe?

5. Have you ever been visited by ghosts or had ghastly encounters? If so, what happened?
I used to see a tall Indian looking person wearting a top hat at a house we used to live in. My oldest daughter saw it almost nightly.

Boz's Five Questions and Answers

1. What is the farthest away you have ever been from home?
Either Japan or Okinawa, I'm not sure which is furthest.

2. Have you ever served on a jury?
Yes, I served on a rape trial.

3. What is your drink of choice?
Either Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi.

4. Where is the strangest place you have ever had sex?
In the bathroom of the library of the college I was attending.

5. Have you ever been anally probed.

Answer these questions in the comments below.

New Assignment

The next assignment is to ask the group five questions, but the catch is that besides answering the other members questions you have to answer your own questions.
Theoretically that should come out to 50 questions and answers, but we all know that a couple of people ...


Ok so the smart ones know that there are only 49 states because we can see through the propaganda of the modern world. To the ones who are not smart enough to realize this, let me be the first to tell you, IOWA DOES NOT EXIST!!!! It is a fabricated lie made up by 2nd grade teachers across the US to make us feel stupid. Well they didn't get me, but I am smart. There are not many people out there that can name 3 cities in Iowa, and it is true that only the aliens visit the place. I think that maybe it is the headquarters for scientology, but I can not talk about that because they will knock on my door if I do. So when goose tells me tonight, that he lives in Iowa, please excuse me or being scared of goose.

Friday, January 30, 2004

Uh Oh.

Is this the beginning of the end?

Boz: do you need to tell us something?

Some one found my site by searching this today.

Also, i just popped a bottle of Jerry Garcia wine, if you would like some i am in the jacuzzi.

A puppy

for marci.

This is marci's new puppy.
She wanted to name it Norton, but I thought that was a dumb name so I named him Free Beer instead.

We have adopted a little pal for Martin Sheen.

Meet Chirs the Hamster, and isn't he adorable.

Just don't pick him up by his hind legs or his eyes might fall out.

I didn't want to be the one to leak it.....

But Belle is really a monkey they are doing research on at a zoo. Haven't you all ever found it strange her neighbor is a panda, and she is always surrounded by goldfish, and the only stars she talks about are the ones that are all dried up and have nothing to do with their time but go to the zoo and moan to the monkeys about their washed up life?. HHMMM. The research is proving to be a success, for she can form sentences and type and log on and off the internet. Soon the world will be overrun by the cloned monkey population and we can all say we knew the first one.

Rumor #612

Melissa and Nada are shacked up in a seedy hotel in Tijuana.

Melissa and Nada have been arrested and sent to a Woman's Work Farm run by a crooked Sheriff.
(Think Charlie's Angels without Farrah Fawcett.)
Scene shifts to Shower Room where a dyke-ish prison matron dressed in a black bustier and fishnets says ...
"Alright ladies, it's shower time."
(Cue 70's porn music)

and you know what they said?

Boz has a bastard child who is none other than porn star Tommy Byron...
The reason Boz complains about being snowed in during winter is because he spends his days and nights listening to what he's misread to be 'masturbation tapes' but what in reality are 'meditation tapes'... thus, in a constant state of confusion he curses at the soothing voices instructing him to relax while he waits for his queued climax.


Contrary to popular belief Hard is really an 80 year old german woman living in a small grasshut in eastern Kentucky. Also known as "das purpurrote eichhörnchen" he/she/it has been known to menace trailer parks while leaping naked from tree to tree. In recent months das purpurrote eichhörnchen, scourge of the trailer park trash, has been sighted gingerly plucking the feather's from pigeon's bottoms and using them to fashion the soon to be patented "pigeon butt feather exosuit." The details of this suit are still unknown but it is said to revolutionize human life as we know it.

In closing the naked DPE, bane of the TPT, is creating the PBFE to save humanity.

psst... rumor time. Goose...

is on the verge of becoming magnificently famous on the internet, but the skeletons in his closet could make or break him. let me tease you with these questions. for example, how did he get the name Gooseneck? it's a more sordid tale than we could ever imagine. and, just imagine for a moment, if you will, the great triad of Goose, Ernie Banks, and Crazy Larry. just think of the evil they could perpetrate.

oh, and i heard he likes to wear women's underwear. on his head. while sitting on the exercise bike. and we all know what else he does on the exercise bike.

Start a rumor about a blogmate.

Zann has a secret desire to dye her hair blue, move to Florida, and never drive less than 5 mph under the legal speed limit.

Your turn.

It looks like all 14

of my friends showed up to vote for me in the popularity contest (Your favorite blogmember)... and that apparently is it. That number hasn't changed for 3 days.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Me trying to look interested

while the rest of you chat on the zonk.

yes yes, green


i must say...

docs rock show your shoes!!

Create a short story.

Daryl was a moody child, who didn't mix well with the other children.

Now you add a new line in the comments, and then the next line in the next comment, and so on, and on, and on ...

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

I'm disappointed, so disappointed.

Six people are late with their self-portraits.
Do you know how bad that makes you look to the rest of us?

Anybody wanna cuddle up...

... And watch Homestar Runner with me? It was a sort of tradition of mine that's fallen by the wayside lately. C'mon... It's good for you!

And let's see those SELF PORTRAITS!

I like zann's idea

about taking tests, but I'm only going to take tests that I feel are relevant.
I will not be taking any
Which LOTR Gay Hobbit Are You tests.
But I did take ...

The Rorschach (inkblot) test

Is it Just Me

Or does DVL's self portrait look like a mugshot from somebody in the Manson Family?

I am me.

Which Real World ... Blogger Style cast member are you!

Well, it's always good to know you are who you were told you were all along. Heh. Sorry I seem to have locked myself in my room and can't get the damn door open.

Friday Night Naked twister???

I'm great at this game! And I find for best results we should get all slippery like.

(Deep in thought) Hmmmmmm...

Tell you guys what... I dont have any hot sex oil, but I do have some bacon grease leftover from when I made breakfast this morning... I will bring that!!!

Bryan Lamb...

Apologized! This is big news. I WAS RIGHT ABOUT HIM! Well of course, he did something pretty dumb, and he did offend a bunch of people and will probably still have death threats for a long time, but I saw some good in him, and dammit I was right. I am still pissed off he didn't think I was good enough to copy but hey, that is not a battle I am ready to fight. Major good call for him for coming clean and apologizing, at least I respect him a bit more for it.

I hope this doesn't get me kicked out of the house. But I feel there is not enough controversy here.

And why is it all the good posts happen in the comments here. Maybe we should start posting blank posts. Will someone tape smallville for me tonight? or at least watch it and tell me about it at 10:00?

Who Kissed and Told???

(damned tarnished halo showing again)

i say we...

  1. conduct alcoholic beverage recipe experiments,
  2. quiz each other to death,
  3. and play some psychotic board games.

or write to seemingly random celebrities like Martin Sheen. just some ideas. i'm bored with the monkey already.

Ok the Clothes Are in the Dryer

And here I am buck naked working a thigh master, nothing on but a sombrero and a piece of bread in my buttcheeks... There is a knock on the door.

Marci, obviously I am busy... Can you get that please?


I have decided that graduate school is not that important if it means that I am dropping in ratings in the poll. Apparently, the time I spend away is affecting my audience appeal. I am dropping out of school to make this my main priority.

The Goose is Loose

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Identity Crisis Averted

It appears I am who I thought I was all along and a robot did not take my place while I was sleeping. Phew.

Which Real World ... Blogger Style cast member are you!

Ok It Appears That

the goddamn monkey ate my bag of clothes.

(Goose is standing naked at the washer and dryer waiting for the only set of clothes he owns to finish the rinse cycle...)

This aint exactly how I figured that it would start out. Now what am I supposed to do?

The new quiz is in !!!!!!!

Please take the test, and badge your results, and post them on the blog, because the icons took longer to make than it took to write the quiz

Which Real World ... Blogger Style cast member are you!

A little update on me,

just so you people don't think I'm jerking goofing off.
I am working on a new Quizmo quiz called:
Which The Real World ... Blogger Style Character Are You.
It should be done when I feel like it.

Wow, What a Night

Anybody know where my bag of clothes is?

How much do you like this blog?

I like this blog more than the burning sensation I sometimes get when I urinate.

Monday, January 26, 2004

You have My Self

Portrait, Now here is my Haiku:

The Telephone Screams
Itself Right Off of the Wall
A Wild Goose Chase

Now Goodnight!

I will give someone my last box of macaroni and cheese, and even cook it for them if you will do my paper for me tonight. PLEASE!

Sorry I wasn't around this weekend, I had a 22 year old to attend to. :)


Welcome to the house. Label your food, just warning ya.

Everybody vote for #17!

Cool Monkey. I put him in a pet show and he came in third. We gotta start cracking the whip!


I finally made it! (Hiccup!)

Had a little car trouble on the way here in the form of a 30 foot drop off! (Throws bag of clothes on the floor.)

That's me on the right, and my friend "Crazy" Larry who is helping me move. Took us forever to get the car out of that ravine. (Hiccup!) And we're damn lucky we didn't get arrested!

Anyway, it's good to meet you all (hiccup!) but we're off to the bar!

Will somebody take

care of that damn monkey!!!
He is not my responsibility.

Because of her outstanding

Previously On The Real World...Blogger Style
post, I appoint Belle as the once a week chronicler of the blogs comings and goings.
Congratulations Belle!!!

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Nada is

the biggest flirt in the world, but what makes her so good at it is that when she is flirting with you she makes you feel like you are the only person in the world that matters.

Previously On The Real World...Blogger Style

Peeping Mike moved into Zann's closet, he's now like the Jack Nicholson in The Shining to her Fraggles, DVL is very loved, especially by Nada, who wants to room with her, The Hard Artist is looking for a few good men books, Marci never came home after Free Beer, but Boz found her empty cup out by the ocean, Melissa ran off with the spoon, the cow jumped over the moon, and Belle held Chris Burke hostage for standing her up many years ago at the Semi-Formal (unbeknownst to her, he was busy burning the family restaurant down and couldn't come out to play).

fun with haiku

after trying to remember the intricacies of a haiku--the way each line should be a certain kind of statement as well as the right number of syllables, i googled and stumbled across this masterpiece:
100 Trillion Haiku - The Genuine Haiku Generator


How's it goin'? Read any good books lately? Where the hell is everybody? Every time I'm in the house you're all gone... Are you partying without me? You'd better not be. Hi. Sorry... I'm just not myself... O.K. I'm back.

How come nobody comments on my posts?

Thanks, Boz. Good idea.

Next time, you had all better be here! I'm in a fragile state!

"That is Bach
and it rocks.
It's a rock-block of Bach
that we learned in the school
called the school of Hard Knocks."


Ok, the haiiku thing was a big success, so it's time for a new assignment, and why am I the one always dishing out the assignments?
Anyway here it is.
Do a self portrait of yourself.
You can either draw it freehand and scan it, or use one of the various Paint or Photoshop programs, or any other way you can think of.
Then send it to me at and I will make a photo page of some sort where we can check out our blogmates in all their splendor.
Ability isn't important, but participation is.

I will post the portraits as they come in, but the deadline will be Wednesday 10PM EST, 9PM CST, 8PM MST, 7PM PST, and Thursday 8AM in the Philippines.

my closet

this is getting bad. ridiculous, even. i promise everyone i will clean my closet today. now that the promise is out there, i will feel pressure to follow through. every square inch of my closet is occupied, horizontally and vertically. and since this bigass blog compound undoubtably has walk-in closets, that's a lot of junk. maybe i'll have a yard sale. it's all gotta go. the closet must be renovated.

i mean, i have to make room for Mike. and that's not because, being a peeper, he wants to drill a hole through my closet wall to look at the other women. he's not that kind of peeper. i think.

::surveys clutter:: where did i get all these free samples of sprayable canned cheese? anyone want this hockey stick? this is gonna take a while.

For DVL with all my love

Six hundred haikus
Will not begin to capture
Your eyes’ soft sparkle


Six hundred haikus
Cannot begin to unfurl
Your mouth's sweet flower

Please room with me, DVL. With all my love, Nada,

Saturday, January 24, 2004

I'm in!

Thank goodness! That doorstep was getting rather uncomfortable to sleep on, not to mention the fact that people kept wiping their dirty feet on me! So this is the party house eh? Well thanks for the invite, where do I sleep?

Guess i won't be needing this anymore...

Dvl is feeling unloved

because no one wrote a haiku for her.
C'mon gang, let's show her that we care, really care!

Pair of shoes, pair of shorts, parakeet, parachat

A chat room has been added to aid in those late night gab fests you young people or so fond of.
Post edited - 5:55PM Sat. Jan 24 --- I fixed the chat room problem, I think!

I need help!

For some reason, I'm drawn back here on a Friday night. I think Dvl had something to do with it. Friday. It used to mean something 'ya know? Used to be: Friday was for carousing. Friday was for lettin' off steam. Friday was the glorious day when the whole weekend was laid out before us like a summer vacation...

Not anymore.

Now Friday is for waiting... At least it is for me. Waiting for Monday. When I can go back to work. WORK?!?! Are you fucking kidding me? How psycho am I?

Work is the one place where I feel like I'm accomplishing something... Oddly enough. It seems like at least one of the aspects of your life is always going... O.K.

Let's have a party! Right here! I'm suckin' down an MGD as we speak! Join me!

Friday, January 23, 2004

Is this how it is going to be?

Ok people, dont make me get all Gunnery Sgt. Hartman on you, but two of you missed the HAIKU DEADLINE, and another of you did it wrong.
Sighhhh, is this house already going to hell???

It looks like

we've already been ripped off.
This was listed on a Google ad at the top of our blog ... the rat bastards!

Movin' on UP....

I cannot believe that Boz posted that pic of the staff's quarters and passed it off as the blogger house and no one complained! Come on, housemates!

To alleviate all fears, here's the true aerial view of the 'compound':

I can't sleep...

Hold me.

nuzzle my Wuzzle

not to typecast myself as Toy Girl, but i had to clear this up. the following photograph depicts a Popple in all its mid-metamorphisizing glory.

i like to use mini Popples for special gifts to my pals. they could roll up into themselves, and pop out, and for a while could be found in special soccerball and basketball and various other ball editions. click here for more Popple pleasure.

p.s. if you're also wondering what a Wuzzle is, click here.

i'm going to bed now, my crazily-stuck-in-the-80s head hung in shame.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

If you get tired of Whacking Your Pingu

I'm on the road to a promotion!

So I'ma gonna get shitfaced To-Night! Marci... Be sure to wear that thing I like... You know the one.... With the straps... Yeah... That's the one... And bring your friends... You know the ones... Yeah...

Our first assignment

I guess since the house is in my name I should give the first assignment.
And it is ...
Write a haiku about the person in the list below you.
Dvl, being the last on the list will write one about the person on the top of the list, meaning me.
Ok, you have till 7:00PM EST tomorrow to finish your assignment.
That would be +5 GMT.

Post it in the confessional

ok, we need to liven this joint up...suggestions?

mine are:
~everyone get naked, splatter themselves with paint, and roll against the walls creating a mural of all our bodies

~fling things out the window in a drunken stupor and measure their velocity

~clean out the lint vent in the dryer and see who can make the biggest lint ball

~drink all bozzie's cough medicine and get high

~steal zann's Fraggles and make her guess where we hid 'em

Our House, is a very very fine house.

It's a little known well know fact that:

1. Melissa is the sig other of Jer from Thought Minion.
2. Marci flashed her boobs for pizza.
3. Zann drives a muscle car.
4. Hard slept in the same bed as Kevynn Malone.
5. Nada has a brother named Dong.
6. Dvl went to high school with David Schwimmer from friends.

I think

we should add a couple new members. How does everyone feel about that?

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

i have toys. be my friend.

these are my Fraggles. for those of you who don't like Fraggles, look closely and you'll see Gene Simmons. if you don't like Gene Simmons either, well, that's just too bad cuz i don't feel like taking more pictures.


How's it goin'? So like... What are we gonna do now that we're all here? I mean... I can make all the sexual innuendo you want but... Is that enough? Wadda ya think? Where's Drew? So many questions...

P.S: Marci... Last night was... Whew!

From the Token Minority

Hi, my name is Nada O. Nil, 20-something and more female than male. I want to know who's sharing my room (or my bed) before I proceed to unpack.

I wrote this Quiz

What basic cable channel are you?

Take it, damn you, take it.


When asked, in the shower, to "Put your thang down, filp it and reverse it", what are you really supposed to do? Not that this happened, just wondering ;).

Also, there was rumors of a roomate named Drew. Should he show his face at least once? I think so.

We are official

We've been googled.

Does it bother any of you

that Melissa is a wiccan?

I could

never trust anyone who read Wil Wheaton, and admitted it.

House Challenge!!

Housemates, SMACK THE PINGU! and gloat about your scores in the confessional!

DVL's best score (so far):

Link courtesy: Jen at Very Big Blog

Link updated by boz 9:26PM est. 1-21-04


listen, i really tried to write a post, but the nipple bulb has me all flustered. and i feel like a dork cuz the package arriving for me is going to contain a sticker. a non-nipple-related sticker.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004


This package just came for you.
I hope you don't mind that I opened it.

Poor, poor, bozzie

You got your friggn' aquarium, are you happy?


I miss all the good hot tub sex. I'm goin' out for ice cream. Be back later. ::::dumps a bucket of dish soap in the hot tub as she walks by::::

About Last Night...

In "Real-Worldspeak":
So... I'm like, chillin' in the spa right? Then Marci comes over. With her fine ass...
She's all like: "Whats up, HA?"
And I'm like: "Pshhh. Nuthin'. Just chillin."
And she goes like: "So... We're roomies..."
And I'm all: "Yup."
It was ON, Dogg! She's all givin' me the eye an' shit! But... I'm chill:
I bust it with: "So... What's up with you?"
Bro. I was spittin' straight up GAME!
She's all: "Nothin'. You mind if I join you?"
OH SNAP! The thong was KICKIN', yo!
She goes: "So... What's up? Why you clockin' me?"
And I'm like: "Whaaaaat?"
She's all: " I saw you."
Dude. I'm all: "Pshhh. Whatever."
Then... Check it:
She's all: "I've been checkin' you out, too."
A Playa's gotta play. Ya know?

Last Night....

I don't mean to call anyone out, but I might like my new roommate a lot. Hard wasted no time making a move on me. And I made it though my first night without starting a fire. Does anyone else think it is funny that "The Joy of Sex" is on the bookshelf here?

Zonkboard & HaloScan

I know I promised not to make anymore changes, but I lied.
I put in a zonkboard, which is the best, and I put in HaloScan which is better than Squawkbox.
How come no one ever comments on my posts?

Monday, January 19, 2004


...Want to watch the Laker game on our big imaginary Plasma TV?

I swear

I promise not to make any more changes unless asked.

yeah, so i'm a twenty-something

this whole thing makes me feel like i must move out of my parents' house or i will implode. i'm already growing restless as each day goes by... the mere idea of throwing logic to the wind and taking up residence with a bunch of random acquaintances is very appealing. on the other hand, living vicariously through this little blog is probably just what i need to release a little pressure... so i don't, like, kill my family with all the dirty butter knives they have strewn about.

btw, it always amuses me that Blogger's spellchecker doesn't know the word "blog."


Do we want like, pics and bios and crap up here?

What a great looking blog... Er... House this is.

Hi everybody. My name is Hard. I'm into long walks on the beach and candle lit dinners and puking on your dress. Thrill to my exploits.

Dude. Marci just came into my room... She is HOT!

Anybody mind if I cook tonight? I'm making four cheese penne and some garlic bread. Let's all virtually enjoy it together.

Memo to house:

Be gentle with Dvl, this is her first experience with blogging, up until now she has been strictly a lurker.

I really hope the minority member is a midget!

Is that too selfish?

That was a mean trick

Of course I arrived late, but that is no reason to give me the wrong key! I am finally in the house. *runs to liquor cabinet* OH YEA GAME ON. Who is my roomate? There was a rumor on teh preview that me and the Hard Artist were going to see about sharing communicable diseases. Does that mean we are rooming together?

My initial take on my blogmates.

Melissa - The moody one
Marci - The whacky one
Zann - The perky one
Hard Artist - The opportunist
Drew - The unknown
Nada - The flirt
Dvl - The instigator

there once was a girl from up north...

as i approached the house with my towel slung over my shoulder and a purple milk crate full of seemingly random belongings, i wondered "what have i gotten myself into?" then i reminded myself of the money, the big payoff.

wait, there is no big payoff. i'm doing this for the experience and for self-betterment.

i am wary, but exhilarated. gimme the room in the corner, and i better have at least two electrical outlets.

I'm not what you would call a picky fella...

But I just scoped out the Ally McBeal-style unisex bathroom, and let's just say...color me less than impressed.

I just may hold it in for the next few months...

3 am

It's 3 am and I just got to the new blog house. I can here Boz snoring all the way down here. He took the room with the big bath, so I'm taking the one with the view. Time for some Cheerios and bed.

I'll share a bathroom for a view like this.

The House is open

It looks like I am the first one here.
I call dibs on the room with the seperate bathroom.