The Real World ... Blogger Style: 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004

Thursday, September 30, 2004

I found this in the neighbor's trash

Is there a reward?

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Gotta love...

...a story about skunks that quotes a man named Bob Sniff.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Oatmeal

Oatmeal? Me??? No way. What the hell? This is one bogus quiz. Sheesh.

I'll tell you what kind of breakfast I am. Double-stuffed oreos dunked in milk. Hell yeah!

it's not just for facials anymore...

The classic stick-to-your-ribs breakfast, you're dependable and ordinary.
You're oatmeal! The classic stick-to-your-ribs
breakfast, you're dependable and ordinary.


What Kind of Breakfast Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i used to have a jones for those oatmeal swirls back in the day, and i ALWAYS made a spiral with the goo before i ate it.

this however, does not compete with the breakfast of french toast, pears, apricot sauce, and a sausage the size of a bologna ring that i had saturday morning outside jeanine's in providence. washed down with a healthy glass of chocolate milk. and the remaining 3 bites off of monique's plate of eggs benedict.

*burp*

pardon me.

Open All Night!

HASH(0x8b31768)
You're the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast! Packed
with lots of fat and calories, you're made up
of classic, satisfying breakfast foods like
pancakes, eggs and bacon. You're also quite
popular!

What Kind of Breakfast Are You?

This is very spooky

Because it is dead on.

Not really the typical breakfast food, you're willing to speak your mind, and stand out from the crowd like a sore thumb.
You're a ham sandwich! Not the typical breakfast
food, you're an individual, willing to speak
your mind, and you stand out from the crowd
like a sore thumb.


What Kind of Breakfast Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Because I have had ham sammies for breakfast every day for the past three days ...
Ok, the past three weeks ...
Yeah ... months.

Lucky Is Considered A God In Some Countries

Dear Diary,
Today I punched Jenny in the face during gym class accidentally on purpose because she said during Social Studies that she has a crush on Billy.

Oops, wrong blog.
This is the sex blog then, right? Where I talk about how Billy chained me to a wall and beat me until I said he was my master and he was free to do anything, anything at all with me? No? Oh.
This must be the Hey-Let's-Find-Out-If-Dvl-Really-Is-A-Bacon-And-Eggs-Type-Of-Gal blog.
Is there a Billy here? Billy, if you're here, please take the following quiz and meet me in the dungeon after Social Studies.
The rest of you, take the quiz please, because I feel it will allow me to look deep, deep into your souls and make it easier for future manipulation and the selling of your babies on the black market. (What?)

Full of sugar (and marshmallows, too!), and a favorite of kids, you're a bit childish, very hyper, and always bouncing off the walls!
You're Lucky Charms! Full of sugar (and
marshmallows, too!), and a favorite of kids,
you're a bit childish, very hyper, and always
bouncing off the walls!


What Kind of Breakfast Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, September 27, 2004

Kleenex says: bless you

I was studying for the GRE and I discovered something: I can no longer do basic math.
My brain refuses. Literally. I sat there looking at problems and I felt this...lacuna where the math used to be (my vocabulary is still there). Everything goes black. I think my brain joined a union and decided, unbeknownst to me, that part of its new package would be: no math. I need to call in a scab to break the strike.

I think that this generation may be the first to go prematurely senile from data overload. If arbiters of the GRE asked me to sing all the words to a Diet Coke commercial circa 1986, I could do it. Also all the words to an ad for Australian margerine (Mrs. MacGregor's, 1987). But algebra? Basic geometry? Who are they kidding? I guess I've reached my saturation point. I know there's a science term for that, but I can't remember.

Just for the thrill of it!

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Some Pics I Took While Watching Soul Train

If anybody missed Soul Train today, you're in luck.
I will not be doing this every week though.

Labels:

Friday, September 24, 2004

A couple of pics I took on my scenic ride today

Speaking of getting my ass smacked:

why hasn't that happened lately?

Speaking of boobs

I have written the following sonnet about man-boobs, partly inspired by Russ Meyer, partly in honor of all the unsung heroes, men to a man, who hit what I like to call the second puberty, the day they discover they are growing in a special place....

I call it: "The Day John Wayne Gave up the Gun"

I donne'd my gunbelt in the blinding sun
wrapt low about the hips as God intended
but lo, the dazzling duel had not yet begun
when peeping down I realized my boobs extended
flaglike in surrender, white as flags
and crimsoned tipt and garnished with grey hair
lo gravity, I knew, cast down these crags
of mighty muscle. They just hung there!
and though the guns were good grey steel
tight to the grip and trigger quick and trim
the withered flesh above did but reveal
the sad development. Oh god, I was becoming--who had been
such a man! --paragon and lover of the ample breast
knew I could not fight a duel--my manly heart beat sternly in a woman's chest.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

I can't believe that the death of one of the greatest film-makers ever went by without notice in the Real World house. No mourning, no grief and despair here. Shame, shame, shame. And I was really counting on Boz for that one... .

So I'd like everybody to be silent for a minute and then fire a gun in salute to dignify the works of

RUSS MEYER
(1922 - 2004)

Thank you.

It is time to address the Jonnie issue

It is time to take a stand.
In the past whenever anyone wanted to leave The Real World ... Blogger Style, I said nothing and just let them go on their merry way.
However, Jonnie is different.
Jonnie is the dot dot dot in The Real World ... Blogger Style.
If Jonnie were to leave we might just as well close up shop, and I do not plan on closing up shop!
So, Jonnie can't leave. It's as simple as that.
He might not post, he might not comment, he might not zonk, but as long as his goofy mug of an icon remains he will be a member of The Real World ... Blogger Style, and I'm not taking his icon down.
Marci is right. (Marci is right, oh god, what is the world coming to?)
You are a student and you get some slack, a lot of slack, and besides if you left Sandra would probably leave to, and I don't even want to think about Sandra leaving.
So suck it in Nacho Jonnie, you are here for the long run.

I'm Moving



I'm not gonna have adequate blogging time in the coming months, so I should leave now before my lack of participation becomes too evident.

I think you should recruit the replacement member by clicking the random blog thing at the top of the page and inviting whoever you get. That would be badass!

POST traumatic stress disorder...

current condition possibly due to wear and tear from guarding basketball players in the low post on a daily basis. symptoms may include a sore posterior, or in some extreme's, going postal.

having fun with redundancy! yay!

i'm heading to providence, rhode island this weekend to visit monique. anyone have anything of note that i should check out while i'm there? this is my first trip to the east coast, and atlantic ocean and boston are already on the list...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

This post love you long time

Selected googlisms for "post"

post is so stupid it does not dignify a response
post is about animals
post is six
post is about football
post is nifty
post is out like a lamb
post is jihad
post is there on m & m
post is an "oops"
post is blocked
post is who you are
post is asinine
post is not working
post is guaranteed to give you a big woodrow
post is a bunch of crooks
post is guaranteed to give all a major woodrow
post is out of place on picket lines
post is offensive or abusive
post is free thinkers
post is a soap request
post is suspect
post is bashing its union again

Fine

Then how about a post strike post at CW Post?

Or

..I could post a post-op post.

Then what about

A post commemerating the fatal last flight of Will Rogers and Wiley Post?

Or perhaps

...a post of the Saturday Evening variety...

I was thinking more along the lines of

A politically incorrect Post as in Toasties.



Or maybe a little Post from my youth.





I aims to please

A post, he says. Someone needs to post.

Well, would you like a trading post?



or a post office



or a post card



or a post-it note



or just a good, old-fashioned fence post?

Psssssttt....hey mister!

Is it just me, or is is VERY quiet in here????

Monday, September 20, 2004

Kill a little time, friend?

If you are having one of those days when nothing is driving you crazy and you are really missing the feeling of being tense and frustrated--or if you just want to kill some time--have a go at this.

AmyJo FINALLY sent an icon pic

Looks a little too elegent for a dive like this, but yeah I like it.



She looks like one of those film noir movie star dames from the 40's, the kind Humphrey Bogart, John Garfield, or Glenn Ford would go all ga-ga over before they found out that
dun dun dun ...
SHE was the murderer.

things to do when you're hungover

Having a hangover can be delightfully surreal. It excites the psychic faculties. The worse the hangover, the more psychadelic reality becomes. It's like getting a bonus day of tweaked out fun. You can eat whatever you want because, hell, you deserve it--you're hungover! You can sleep as much as you want, and demand that you be treated gently, with kid gloves, because you're hungover! Being hungover is like a trip to a fabulous wonderland if you have the right attitude.
Things I like to do when I'm hungover:

-Go to WalMart. Everyone (including me) looks like a horror-movie extra.
-Play dress-up and wear bright terrifying clothes that make my over-sensitized rods and cones swim in fractal glee
-Enjoy the feeling of extreme slow-motion and pretend that I am in the middle of some crucial action sequence in some high-fi movie where I am dodging bullets or explosions right before the film speeds up again
-Call people and apologize
-Go over the night before in obsessive, novelisitic detail and decide to run away and join a convent where no one is allowed to drink
-Eat chile relleno burritos and tons of hot sauce to flush out the system (hot sauce adds to the buzz)

What do you do when you're hungover?

What's happened to marci?

It isn't like her not to at least pop in every day or two to leave a little bit of marci sunshine.
I think one of two things have happened.
1. Hurricane Ivan knocked out her power.
2. She found a new brewry that offered Free Beer Week.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Three cheers for Marci

Happy Birthday



Marci!!!

Friday, September 17, 2004

The Wisdom of PU2, AKA public service project

My daughter, AKA PU2, says, "Some stupidity should be beaten with a stick until it forms a pool on the ground."

What stupidity do YOU think falls under that heading?

the seagull doth come...

and alas, i was no more.

Create your own tombstone

at Tombtsone Generator.



Note: If you post your tombstone please resize your pic to a width of 300 pixels.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

And then there were none...

Are ALL the Ramones dead?
My coworker just told me Johnny Ramone died.
I am bummed. Are they all gone? Are any left? What evil force is at work that is picking off the Ramones? I blame the current administration.
Bop til you drop, I guess.

Chestnut tree

Chestnut Tree (the Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive,
well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born
diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard
worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.

So, yeah, I'm like, all, "yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh" until I get to "physically fit." WTF? I'm all like, helllooooooo? Can you SEE me here? Sheesh. Totally bogus. As if.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

you fruit!




I took the fruity fruit quiz

made by rav-chan

Check out which fruit you are


mmmmmmm lime

im a lime tree..... nummy!

so all!

I think the tshirt idea is fabbo... where do i sign up.

You know i have always wanted an "im with stupid tshirt" i think theyre are funny. I guess that says something about me.

Ive kinda done something different ... signed up to do some salsa dance classes with a teacher from school - should be fun.. but im so unco!

thats all...

see you at dinner!

Hit the nail on the head....

Wait did i just say "nail", "hit", and "head".... This post could be a whole lot better after that but i will stick with the plan.

Lime Tree (the Doubt)- intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal

I found this on some live journal site, so I'm not going to link back to it.

What tree are you?

I am ...
Hornbeam Tree (the Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

Ok, it's about 50/50, but it's dead on about the unusual lovers part!

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

T-shirts for Thanksgiving

Dvl has come up with an idea for a T-shirt exchange for Thanksgiving.
(For Rosa and Sandra that would be the 4th Thursday in November.)
None of the particulars have been worked out yet, we just want to find out if there is enough interest to pursue it. Leave a comment if you are interested. It would be nice if the entire house participated, but it isn't mandatory.

What does your city smell like?

Every city has a distinctive bouquet. Here's what lovely "Frisco" smells like:

piss, vomit,
lysol used to spray down piss and vomit
decaying ocean matter
pigeon dandruff
exhaust and exhaustion
and smug money.

Whoa that was pink

new look over at my digs

check it out.. you know you want to.

Monday, September 13, 2004

a hundred times

a hundred times ive said that i will no longer read/post blogs from work, i mean its waaaaaaaaaay too risky and ... c'mon! i dont need an excuse to be fired!
But oh my god! as soon as i am alone in this stinkhole of a staffroom im here typing away furiously... and oh my dont i feel bad.. naughty... dirty!

I could never give this up.. it gives me way too much pleasure.
Im still here most days reading the nonsense ahem literature that you all post frequently. Ive just become quiet (for once in my life)

Posa

I'm not really working a crossword puzzle, but ...

Does anyone have a seven letter word for inadequate?

Friday, September 10, 2004

all liquored up and noplace to go

It has been unnaturally hot in SF so yesterday I went nuts and made an ungodly amount of sangria in one of those huge jars you see in Mexican restaurants. I must have blown fifty bucks to do it up right. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I assumed that the festive presence of the sangria would be its own merit. But no one in my house will drink it because they are either on diets, in love and already drunk, or not around and I can't possibly put it away all by myself (we're talking several gallons of wine). Or maybe I had a time-slip and believed I was still in college where the mere scent of alcohol creates a congregation. Perhaps I will serve it to the homeless or send it to Iraq. Anyone want some? If you had five gallons of sangria and no one to drink it with, what would you do?

This is very cool

It would beat Xmas in June all to hell.

88x31bfs.gif

It's not just limited to books either.
They need all sorts of little things that we take for granted.
Check it out.
Do you think it would be something that we as a group could take part in?



Thursday, September 09, 2004

Headline of the Day

Fuchs wants Kuntz talks

(Dude, I don't make this shit up. Really. But I do steal from fark.com like a wicked thief.)
(By the way, try saying that three times fast.)
(No not "that" -- THAT!)

Public service project

All right, fellow bloggers. Let's help Norway out here...

Norwegian sexologists unveil "penis atlas"
Publishers Dinamo will make a first presentation of an unusual book project, the Penis Atlas, on Thursday. The work of four sexologists a photographer and a designer, the volume uses photographs of 100 men in order to inform, demystify and correct many existing misunderstandings about the male sex organ.
Sexologists Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad, Ragnhild Dahl Keller, Geneviève Fonteneau Hardeberg and Einar Aakvåg identified a need to educate and dispel prejudice about a common topic that remains burdened by various inhibitions.

The publishers said the authors try to give a complete and correct presentation of the penis, in different ways and from differing viewpoints....

I think we need to be sure that the Norwegian scientists actually cover the subject completely. Let's make suggestions about men they do NOT want to miss...

I will start.

I remember T.L., who had/has a penis that looked like a dog's tail after it got shut in the car door. I hope they remember to include him....

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

I BET YOU DIDN"T EVEN NOTICE ....

That i died. Maybe that is a little dramatic, but I did fall UP a flight of stairs at school, and since I am driving a car with 3 different size tires and it has rained for 2 days, I think maybe there is a little truth in it.

Today's homeless addict story:

Willie now tells any woman he "talks to" that he is a woman beater up front. I think we should applaud him for his honesty. Since he is such an honest guy I am trying to figure out if I have a friend to set him up with.

AND

two of the female clients got into a fight because one of them wouldn't stop masturbating at night. Thank goodness I don't have a roommate.

sweet mystery of life #234

It never fails. I leave home in the morning all dressed for work thinking I look like a hot little mama, and by the time I get to work and take my first post-coffee "break" and see myself in the lurid light of the office toilet, I look like hell's handmaiden. What's up with that? Do I get soiled on the busride? Is it the lighting? Does something happen so that my self confidence (or ego-delusion) dwindles to nothing the minute I cross the threshold--or does some unholy transformation really take place? Is it perception or reality? A trick of mirrors? A failure of the uberfemme's Will-to-Beauty? I don't know. It torments me. It is a cruel, cruel mystery. But it never fails.

Pittsburgh was really amazing. All fin de siecle, gilded age architectural apologies for the fact that it was built on steeler's sweat and toil. Very appropriate for Labor Day. That fucker Carnegie despoiled the earth in so many ways, and the whole city is a gorgeous monument to his megalomania. Dinosaur bones and art deco skyscrapers straight out of a vintage Superman Comic. There's even a huge tower called "The Cathedral of Learning" that houses an entire university. I think I saw Lois Lane undressing on the top floor, but I'm pretty myopic, so it might have been a trick of the strange, steely light that makes everything glower and smoulder. I also referred to "smelting" as often as possible and drank local "Iron City" beer.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

The Night of the Living Dead Orange County Style

I stole this pic from Jonnie and Sandra's summer home of their trip to the the Orange Country International Festival.
Is it just me, or does that look like Jonnie's Evil Zombie Twin and his Evil Zombie Midget Girlfriend.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Labor Day Spectacle

Just in case anybody wasn't watching the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon in it's entirety, I caught some pics of Charo's appearance.


She was looking more conservative than ever!


And her banter with Mr. Lewis was even better than usual.

Labels: , , ,

Could it really be true???

well.... looky here!

i know... ive been totally invisible and stuff.. but i have been around.. and i solemly swear that i WILL be around more, things have been..... different at home.
will be back soon

Rosa
(the room next to the bathroom)

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Nacho Has Moved


Nacho Steppinstone has been reincarnated over at http://jonnie711.blogspot.com , so please update any links accordingly.
Of course, there's no rush; I'm still over at the summer home for a couple more weeks yet.

Labels: ,

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Belle's Labor Day weekend plans

Belle and her friends Gigi and Mimi are going to Montpelier, Vermont for the weekend to see a Montpelier Dinner Theater production of Barefoot in the Park starring Nancy Kerrigan and Eric Stolz.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Jonnie's Contribution to the Arts

Labels: , ,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU DVL!!!!

everyone raise their 40's to one of the coolest ladie's i've have the pleasure to meet in my life, the one and only D.V.L.

love ya des!!!

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

We don't do enough to support the arts

So here is my contribution.
I like to call it ...
Happy September, Die you Bastard

next stop on my tour of random US cities

Is Pittsburgh.
Anyone ever been? I hope it is bleak. I always assume that the eastern US is bleak, all gutted out shells of buildings and dead factories and rusty cars and frosty breath even at the tail end of summer. Lots of coal smoke and ragged dogs and fogged up windows with bleakly obscene slogans written on them by jaded sixth graders who ride dirty yellow buses and cut school to go throw rocks at limbless mannequins in the burnt-out garment districts.

The whole region is like a Tom Waits tune. At least that is what I hope.
I'll let you know.

Happy Rabbit Rabbit Day

No, I don't know why people say "Happy Rabbit Rabbit Day" on the first day of the month, but they do, and I don't want to be remiss. So.