NYE

I will be spending NYE on Garden island which is like a naval/defence force base in the harbour. Thats right ill spending NYE with thousands of drunk sailors.

If i dont start the New Year with an STD then i just didnt try hard enough!


Whatcha doing tonight?

ps. Sandra.. i need your help with germany related thing.

A song for belle

In her hour of need.

How I spent Summer 1997...

So I check the mail upon getting home from playing well driller's tool bitch and I get the 2006 TV Technology Vendor Guide. (For the uninformed I was once a TV engineer; I still get the trade mags, and this one is one of the top 5 in the US for TV engineers.) So the front cover looked familiar to me and I had to stop and look twice because I actually had a hand in wiring and building this room at Georgia Public TV (GPTV) in Atlanta GA in 1997.
(The smaller image is one I took while the operations center was under construction; the magazine cover is from this year. They've changed a shitload of equipment in there since I've been there, but it was a cool place to be.)

Courtesy of AmyJo

Thank you for the Pirate Duck, AmyJo!!
He arrived right on Christmas Eve and he is cool -


Today I took him to the Block with me to see King Kong.

We both wore our eyepatches.

Then stopped by Jack In the Box on the way home.

Thank you AmyJo -
You are my eyepatch connection!!
Any name suggestions?

I hope all the rest of you had a Merry Christmas too!

Johnny C. needs divine intervention...

Again, looking through old fotoz and found this one. Two long haired freaks messing with high dollar radio equipment belonging to a shit hole high school in a shit hole town.
My reason for posting this is that I think RW...BS is a direct connection to a higher power (think "Santa Boz") and I'm just hoping to exorcise the demons and get back to the industry I love, broadcasting.
That and we just look fucking wierd. (Espcially me.)

Merry Xmas to all; may you get some tonight.
Make mine a Scotch and brunette...I need some tail.

What's that Lassie, Timmy tripped over the Yule Log and broke his ankle?

I guess you know what I'll be doing on Xmas eve.

Do They Know It's Christmas

Ok, so yeah, the last time I wrote a post in here or anywhere (even my secret Doogie Howser Love Blog) E.T. had just been released in theatres, but who says you can't go home again? Drew Barrymore? Boz? Is Drew Barrymore still a house member? Is Goose? Maverick?
Well. I've been having a very difficult month or so, with the loss of my father, but the good news(!) is I haven't lost my ability to relate everything back to Oprah Winfrey or ask the hard questions like "Would you rather wake up soaked in YOUR blood or wake up soaked in Mr. Belvedere's blood?" (For the record Boz's answer was that he would rather wake up next to Mr. Belvedere soaked in Brice Beckham's blood. Feel free to diagnose any psychosis or answer the question yourself in the comments). Anyway, I was having one of those more difficult days today (ok FINE, I was crying because Bandaid's "Do They Know It's Christmas" was on the radio in the car, but really, doesn't that make everyone cry), when I decided I should succumb to my mailman's demands and move to another zip code check my mail this month. And there it was.

A gorilla! AND! On closer inspection...

A Boz™ gorilla! Who knew Boz's name had been trademarked to sell gorillas on the black market? Or that when he pounds and beats on his chest he is trying to prove that he is the best? Thanks, Boz! Now we should all get one and whenever we have any aggression to take out anything to say to the REAL Boz we can beat the Boz Gorilla of Doom talk to the stuffed one! Thanks, Boz, and Happy Holidays everyone!

Jonnie does wind chimes

Merry Freakin' XMAS!!

So in amongst all my shit the other day I found this pic of Rebel Leady Boy and I decided it would be my present to my new (and old) friends of the RW...BS group. Enjoy.

Xmas CD

I just received this email from AmyJo and she asked me to post it.

I want to get up an RWBS Christmas Album. Everyone should pick 3 or 4 Xmas songs and then we can do a compiliation.
Here are my choices:
Me and Little Andy--Dolly Parton
Fairytale of New York--The Pogues
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas--Bert and Ernie (or Judy Garland if the Sesame Street version is unavailable)
O Holy Night as sung by Eric Cartman.
Anything by Alvin and the Chipmunks
and if Neil Diamond has a Christmas song, that too! Otherwise I think Red Red Wine is a good Xmas song...

AmyJo

Good Morning, You Bastards

And Merry Fishmas!!

The Boz Card

Don't leave home without it.

My xmas song for you

An RW ... BS Xmas

I've wanted to post this one for a while; my mom would put the serious hurt on me if she knew it was here. That's my dad with the bottle and I think my cousin Jeff holding my head. (Mom and Dad still have the desk in the background...it's part of Dad's shop.)

This should clear up any untold rumors. Oh yeah, I also fell down the stairs a lot when I started to walk. (No depth perception...it's fun driving!! Ask Jonnie!!)

Look closely and you'll see I HAVE NO EYE. This is my life prior to age 3. Then it's about 10 more eyes and 6 surgeries to now. And more to come...

Cyclops the hood ornament

To satisfy Sandra's "lust for knowledge" I will tell another tale of things el stupido that I have done. Although this doesn't involve Jonnie directly he knows the tale and will concur under oath.
In my junior year of high school I was raising mirth around the shire with a young man only known to you as "The Asshole," aka Kevin. Kevin, my sister Jennifer, and I had stopped on our way from Fort Wayne to Columbia City at the Arcola rest area on US30, where there was a family with some teenage daughters. On a dare I did a juvenile thing and grabbed some buttock on one young lady and then ran to Kevin's car, where they had locked me out. Wanting a quick getaway, I jumped on the hood and told Kevin to drive, which he did. Except he didn't stop until a quarter mile down the highway!! So I was for a short time an actual hood ornament.
Knowing now what I do about the construction of my skull, I would have died instantly if I had fallen, so I was lucky. Don't try this at home; it's been done.

Moonie Pottie Xmas Theme

PS - I need suggestions on creative (or amusing) disposal methods for a bag of glue and possibly a Frankenstein mask.

Belle and Doogie

I chatted with Belle last night for a couple of hours.



She has developed this strange infatuation for Doogie Howswer.

Seperated at birth

Freddie Prinze



Jonnie Gilliom

The RW ... BS All Ladies' Clarinet Band

Oh what the hell...

So while I'm doing this (I only get to be online once or twice a week) I've decided to put up another pic of me and Jonnie in our former glory dayz... This one is from my old house in a Columbia City rural addition called Sherwood Forest and this is Jonnie's ol' blue Monza. Great car, zany driver. In this one Jonnie gets a new hood ornament...

A little RLB Xmas cheer!

So like I said in my last post, we move on. We go back to 1985, when I met a strange individual by name of Jonnie, who claimed his middle name to be "Detweiler," and found me to be more strange. Thus began a love story that not even Dr. Zhivago could tell. NOT!! OK so we were clowns and we put it on film. Enjoy this bit of Xmas cheer and look for RLB at your nearest piano bar...

Upside-down world...

It's been a few interesting days here in JohnnyC. land. Last Thursday my step-grandmother on my dad's side (we just called her Betty) died after having a bad stroke 2 1/2 years ago. The funeral is tomorrow and it's supposed to be 24 degrees out. On top of that my uncle Bill (who I didn't know that well, but is my uncle just the same) died from I think liver failure. So this is a fun week. Not. But I'm going to make the best of it and we will soldier on. I spent that time finding more pics of me and Jonnie having fun and we'll disect them for purposes of no reason whatsoever. And we move on.

World Premiere Video

Me taking the trash cans in while it is snowing.

I am not a crook

My world famous Nizzon impersonation ...



With Hulk hands on the toilet.

My new favorite Xmas song

Walkin' Round In Women's Underwear

Public Notice

The Real World...Blogger Style is accepting applications in the following departments during the holliday season:

Ladies' Christmas Clarinet Orchestra


The "Real Gay" World Boys' Choir

Belle

I received an email from belle earlier tonight.
Her father passed away last Saturday after a long illness.
She told me that even though she knew in her head that it was coming she is finding it very hard to deal with.
Belle, my thoughts are with you.

Jonnie inspires me again...

So a few days ago Jonnie recycled a post over at RLB about a magazine cover creator website, and I put my mouse to the webstone and created a couple of beauties. I even sent top one to a hot program director here at the rock station (just to show her my tube's bigger...it's an engineer's joke; if you get it then you're a geek like me!!) So enjoy my fun and see if you recognize the pics from somewhere...

Less Text, More Action

MMMmmmmm...Bubblegum Candycane.
And I made this handsome "Which JohnnyC Quote are You?" banner as well:


Click it! Click it!
Take the quiz!
Post the results!

A newsman mis-spoke tonight and stated that Governor Schwarzenegger still might send Tookie Williams to the "gas chamber" hahaha.

California doesn't really have a gas chamber.

This one will slay ya!!

Now for my next trick...
Sorry for the overload, but I only get a few hours a week online so I'm making the most of it. And this one will get ya in the cahones (ladies I don't know where this will get ya...the ovaries maybe???) Inspired by Jonnie I was...

Rebel Leady Boy Saves Christmas

The call came in from the North Pole
Santa Claus is dead!!
The elves have all gone crazy
Rudolph's nose is anything but red
So the call went out around the world
Who would they get to take the reins?
What man, what woman, what person
Had the passion in their veins?
In the O.C. of all places
Amongst the vanity and and shallow faces
REBEL LEADY BOY!!
To the Great White North in a flash
This kind of temp work doesn't pay cash
A red suit and hat to match
And a mistletoe beltbuckle too
With a wink of his eye and adjustment of his cup
Mrs. Claus, no, wait, Sandra, through the snow flew!!
His lady and his elves and his toys all ready
The world awaits the arrival of Santa Rebel Leady!!
Goodies for all, and beer for Santa
And something in black for the new Mrs. Claus
No hooves on the reindeer
It's Goodyear black on their paws
(excuse the poetic license please...)
In a '71 Chevy Impala
Rescued from an Indiana junkyard
Still rusty and the horn still honkin'
Provides Santa his world transport and (for the Middle East)
a bullet guard
Stopping first at Boz's to deliver a special package
Of meats in the can and music and goodies galore
Left outside by the snowy back door
To the rest of the faithful Real World bloggers he flew
(And to brother Todd's and Chad Fry's too)
Toys for Mina, and lots of surprises
But could you have brought me some working eye-es?
Instead, for JohnnyC., a Christmas whore!!
Looking like Claudia Schiffer, at his bedroom door!
Back to the O.C. in the blink of an eye
Rebel Leady Claus heard a mournful cry:
"Where's the liquor, Rebel Leady Claus?
We don't want Christmas Day to be dry!!"
With a wink and a snap
The bars were open and the beers cold on tap
Now we heard Jonnie say with all of his might:
"Leave me alone, I'm with my woman tonight!!"

Faithfully submitted to the Real World clan, awaiting your biting critiques...
JohnnyC.
(for the ladies' info: I am a Longfellow.)

More Xmas for youse...

So I'm writing, like I said, and a Wal-Mart ad comes on. When don't they?? I'm sick of Garth Brooks; Martina McBride I could look at for a while. Wish she'd invite me on her bus. (Go Cyclops; leave the screwin' to us!!) OK back to live action. Heer's one about the evil empire...

The Walking Wal-Mart (this ain't Target) Blues

I went to Wal-Mart the other day
Hoping Christmas value would come my way
Accosted at the door with outstretched hands
Thirty greeters and a high school band
Merchandise all going cheap
If quality isn't for you then bargains you will reap
All prices end in point ninety-nine
Something about savings comes to mind
Mens wear, kids wear, ladies too
Brands from Ajax to Underroos
Make your choices then queue up to pay
Say, isn't that my old principal trying on the lingerie?
Now my wallet's empty but not my hands
64 blue bags filled with life's demands
Wrapping paper and gift cards too
A calling card that's good in Timbuktu
Now I get my car in the Tire & Lube
Serviced quickly and cheaply by a greasy dude
And down the road I speed away
Knowing I'll be drawn back on another day.


NOTE: I don't personally use the Tire & Lube; I do that myself. So if anyone is offended by the "greasy" reference, stick a grease gun where the sun don't shine!!

And a Xmas haiku for u:

I hate the damn mall
Sears is the lone exception
They sell good tools

JohnnyC takes on Walt Whitman (or Disney)

OK so it's XMas time and I've had the pen to paper lately so I've concocted some love poems about the season. Here goes.

1.) Juan Bodley's Night Before Xmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
At Juan Bodley's house
Everyone was hammered
Including the mouse

The empties were thrown
By the chimney with care
In the hope that full fresh ones
Soon would be there

When all of a sudden
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from my Jim Beam
To see what wassa matter

I looked out the window
And much to my surprise
One bad ass lookin' ride
Appeared before my eyes

A '68 Caddy DeVille
With 20 inch spinners no less
And a big ass sound system
To impress the ladies I guess

The driver got out
And opened the trunk
3 homies got out
And they was all crunk

Homey was decked out fine
With red from head to toe
And the bling was a-blingin'
In the swirlin' Christmas snow

He brought me a watch
That was set to party time
And he refilled the bar
It never cost me a dime

The playas got back in the stylin' North Pole ride
The music was thumpin'
They was off in search
For ladies to be humpin'

And I heard the music play
As they rolled outta sight
"Happy Chrishizzle Bitches
We got our freak on tonight!!"

And if ya wanna see my wish list:
2.) Juan Bodley's 12 Days of Xmas
in reverse order, shorted for your protection...
12 cold brews chillin'
11 ladies naked
10 steaks a-grillin' (medium please)
9 TVs workin' (mine ain't)
8 Meaty inches
7 Midgets dancin'
6 Guitars for me
5 GOLDEN WHORES!!
4 Cars for wreckin'
3 Days in Vegas
2 Good eyes
And a Van Halen-Dave reunion tour just for me!!

RLB's hidden secrets...

The story I'm about to tell is to fulfill an initiation right for Boz; it's about Jonnie and it's good. (Stop me if I've told this one before...)
It was around 1986 or so and we were at a speech meet in Indiana. (I will not tell specifics unless you pay me richly.) As this was a long way from Columbia City we all decided that we didn't want to wear our good clothes all day and we brought clothes to change into when we were done. After much searching for an out of the way men's room we found one, next to the gym in this school. (While a basketball game was going on, I might add.) Upon entry we discovered that this particular crapper was undergoing some repair work, and there was a 2x12 wood plank in the ceiling, above the tiles. Jonnie decides that he's going to go inspecting up there and he climbs up the stall walls into the ceiling. About a minute after he gets up there he can't see and he falls off the plank, through the ceiling, somehow missing the stall walls, and ends up sitting on the bowl without a scratch!! TRUE!! He's got a confused look on his face and then we all start laughing. Then we get the hell outta there!! Needless to say we found another shitter to change in, and we all got away with it!! The only other stories I would have told involved prank calling in Bloomington (been moistening the wick lately??) or one about a country drive and a stuck horn. Neither would pass muster I don't think...well, the phone call might...

What style of panties are you?

My new quizilla quiz.

My True Image

Here's me in my own rendering. Drawn whilst freezing my ass off in beautiful Fort Wayne, now relocated to Nova Scotia. Damn Cold Weather!!

He's no Longfellow (or is he...)

OK kids here's the haiku:

One eye gone for good
This kid is messed up for sure
Please don't feed the 'Clops

Now you may skewer my talent.

What were they thinking?????

This is a little insight to my former life. The pic is of me at WANE-TV in Fort Wayne, circa 1996, at their old transmitter. I was a maintenance technician and the rig is a 1960s RCA transmitter. It's gone and so am I. But I did it and all I can say is the FCC has never recovered...

The President will now answer the media...

OK so I see that I'm under siege to create and post (and it took me a while to remember how to post!!!) So I will advise the Cabinet that I'm working on some items and I will get to them in a while. The only question I have (for Boz or Jonnie) is how do I make my self portrait?? What program should I use?? Once I know all I can say it look out world the 'Clops is a rockin!!

Xmas stuff

1.Last year's Real World ... Blogger Style Xmas short story.

2. AmyJo's version of Twas the Night Before Christmas
twas the night before christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the RW...BS house
not a zonkboard was stirring, no clicking of mouse.
The boys were well hung (but not that we cared)
thank god for the RW...BS motto: be prepared!

The bloggers were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of naked dwarves danced through their heads.
How sweet, oh how peaceful, for what could go wrong
with Boz in his g-string and Mad in his thong?

Then up on the housetop there arose such a clatter
it was a wonder the bottles of beer didn't shatter
away to the window Boz flew like a flash
to witness Miss Rosa deep in a pash

with some guy in a red suit, an intruder no less
both hands were burrowing down the neck of her dress!
Then what to Bozzie's wondering eyes did appear
but a strange little "sleigh" and a tiny "reindeer"!

"Now don't try to tell me your name is St. Nick!
stop fondling Rosa and zip up your ---"
The intruder stood blushing with lust and with shame
when Boz began calling the RW...BSers by name

Hey Jonnie! Hey Sandra! Nancy! DVL!
Hey Amyjo and Marci and CJ and Belle!
The bloggers arrived, knuckled sleep from their eyes
and stared at the stranger in Santa's disguise.

"I'm sorry, he pleaded, it's just that, you see
I got sidetracked in surfing the Grand Ennui
your house seemed so welcoming, I just didn't think
you would mind if I visited, maybe give me a link?"

"I don't know," said their leader, "I really can't say
that your motives are pure, you did pash Olo-pay
and that outfit, it's velvet, which really seems strange
and the fur trim is fusty, developing mange

what's with the beard? and where's that old belly?
let's see you jiggle like a bowlful of jelly!"
"Stop torturing Santa!" cried the sweet Amyjo
"I like him." "You're just saying that because you're a HO"

"HO HO!" laughed the stranger, finger up his nose
his eyes all a twinkle, (it was rather gross)
"I just wanted to see if my theory's correct
do you make up in affection what you lack in respect?"

"The answer is no! Most emphatically no!
You bloggers are naughty and famously so!
You're wicked, you're pointless, you post silly pics
You don't think with your noggins, you think with your ___

You gaze at your navels, you mock your own peers
you comments consist almost solely of sneers.
You're a pack of hyenas! (How I hate to be right)
Crappy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."

"That wasn't Santa," Nance was quick to console
"that "jolly old elf" was more likely a troll.
We're all decent people! we're smart! and we're fun!
so screw that old bastard! God bless everyone!"

posted by AmyJo

3. AmyJo's Holiday Quiz
After Christmas, some people look forward to ringing in the New Year, while others prefer to toll the bells of bleak mortality. In honor of those troubled souls, I have created the following quiz

ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

1. Your worst holiday memory involves:
a) getting so many presents from adoring relatives you were nearly smothered in a mountain of wrapping paper
b) Santa trauma
c) Accidentally feeding your exotic pet after midnight with disastrous consequences
d) None: you are so depressed you are suffering from memory loss

2. Your favorite quote from "It's A Wonderful Life" is:
a) "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings"
b) "Merry Christmas Bert! Merry Christmas, Ernie!"
c) Anytime Uncle Billy says anything drunk and incoherent.
d) "Dear God, please just kill me now. I can't take it anymore. Kill me now."

3. To wassail means:
a) to go from door to door with rosy cheeks, singing and toasting all your beloved friends and hearty neighbors in perfect harmony and goodwill
b) It's a new extreme sport, like absailing
c) It involves sitting in a circle with a bunch of other freaks beating a cup on the table and screaming "Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!"
d) It's a kind of high-pitched, demented wailing--the sound a banshee makes before a death.

4. Christmas makes you
a) homicidal
b) suicidal
c) broke and hungover
d) all of the above

5. Jesus was born in a barn and laid in a manger. On Christmas day, where will you get laid?
a) Under the mistletoe
b) on a slab

Post your answers anonymously in the confessional and I will tell you what your score is and how to interpret it. Not as quick as a generator, but why not do things the old fashioned way, hmmm?

Paper underwear makes a nice hat if you're a lunch room lady

Trust me on this ...



Stay away from the creamed beef on toast.

Package from Jonnie

Paper under where?

Paper underwear with haiku from Jonnie.



Just part of the package I received today.

Questions # 3-6 for JohnnyC's initiation process

Since it is part of the initiation process, JohnnyC needs to answer a couple of questions asked by the house members so, here are mine:

OK, we need a little imagination for this one.

JohnnyC, imagine a beautiful little Sony hi-fi system that leads a carefree life in a big northern German city. All it needs for complete happyness is ~220V and some lovin' by its owner. You have to know, the owner loves it very much because she bought it with her first own money and because it sings more beautifully than a flock of sparrows on a warm april morning. Now, the owner plans to move to a country far far away and that worries the little hi-fi system because it is afraid that it might not get enough to eat since the systems in that country are usually set on a crazy ~110V diet.

So, my questions are:
What is needed to make the little hi-fi system happy in its new home?
Say it needs some sort of current transformer - will it still sing as beautifully and powerfully as it did back then in that northern German city?
Will the transformer make disturbing noises?
About how much will the transformer cost?


"Help me!"

New member

As you can see we have a new member, the infamous JohnnyC.
Should we tell him about the initiation process or let it wait for a few days?
Ok, we'll tell him.
1. You to have to write a haiku about yourself.
2. You have to draw a self portrait of yourself. (See Example)
I have also added an additional phase to the initiation.
3. You have to answer 10 questions posed by various members of the blog.
The first question is ...
Question 1.
Tell us something about Jonnie that will embarrass him, something that we don't know, because we already know about how he likes to pee on himself.

I am JuanBodley hear me score!!

Yes it's true that a new creature has been unleashed upon this blog of high class, high caliber people. It is I, one JohnnyC., aka Juan Corbon, aka Juan Bodley, and I assept the charge of enlightening all of youse. I will be brief today, but I will be here and you will not forget the day you found me.

Too much?? OK well here I am!!

JohnnyC quiz

"Feed me the meat
of ill gotten
animals
and let my disease begin to
spread
across the
universe"


Which JohnnyC Quote are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which JohnnyC Quote are You?

"The scorched earth, blackened by flames of tortured souls,
screams in agony for retribution
against the demons and vandals who lit the match
with their
blood stained fingers"

Which JohnnyC Quote are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

December to Remember - Audio Post

Xmas in Prison by John Prine

AC/DC Lite

Just in case...

you still don't know what to get me for X-Mas, I REALLY want one of these:

Wurst carpets! Available in...


Mortadella

Salami

Blutwurst (Blood sausage)

Bierschinken (beer/ ham sausage)

I have a slight preference for the Bierschinken one, but they all look cool (and delicious).

Dentist appointment update

Had my semi-annual check-up today.
Everything is A-ok except for a chipped molar way back there in nowhere land that I hadn't even noticed, and I think the technician might have chipped it on purpose when I wasn't looking.
The dentist also said he liked my beard, but not in a man love sort of way, he said it was very distinguished looking.

Sigh-hhhhhhh
I wish dvl's brother was my dentist. I'd bet he'd give me two toothbrushes after a check-up and ...
We could swap all kinds of scandalous stories about dvl.
Scandalous I tell you, scandalous.
Say Dr V, did dvl ever tell you about the one time at the fetish club when she ...

Belle Update

I chatted with belle for a couple of hours the other night.
Her father suffered a stroke last week and is still in Intensive Care.
He is really battling.
Belle seems to be in pretty good spirits.
She's drinking gallons of hospital cafeteria coffee, working a lot of jig saw puzzles, and being out voted and forced to watch Oprah in the ICU visitors lounge.