Xmas stuff
1.Last year's Real World ... Blogger Style Xmas short story.
2. AmyJo's version of Twas the Night Before Christmas
twas the night before christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the RW...BS house
not a zonkboard was stirring, no clicking of mouse.
The boys were well hung (but not that we cared)
thank god for the RW...BS motto: be prepared!
The bloggers were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of naked dwarves danced through their heads.
How sweet, oh how peaceful, for what could go wrong
with Boz in his g-string and Mad in his thong?
Then up on the housetop there arose such a clatter
it was a wonder the bottles of beer didn't shatter
away to the window Boz flew like a flash
to witness Miss Rosa deep in a pash
with some guy in a red suit, an intruder no less
both hands were burrowing down the neck of her dress!
Then what to Bozzie's wondering eyes did appear
but a strange little "sleigh" and a tiny "reindeer"!
"Now don't try to tell me your name is St. Nick!
stop fondling Rosa and zip up your ---"
The intruder stood blushing with lust and with shame
when Boz began calling the RW...BSers by name
Hey Jonnie! Hey Sandra! Nancy! DVL!
Hey Amyjo and Marci and CJ and Belle!
The bloggers arrived, knuckled sleep from their eyes
and stared at the stranger in Santa's disguise.
"I'm sorry, he pleaded, it's just that, you see
I got sidetracked in surfing the Grand Ennui
your house seemed so welcoming, I just didn't think
you would mind if I visited, maybe give me a link?"
"I don't know," said their leader, "I really can't say
that your motives are pure, you did pash Olo-pay
and that outfit, it's velvet, which really seems strange
and the fur trim is fusty, developing mange
what's with the beard? and where's that old belly?
let's see you jiggle like a bowlful of jelly!"
"Stop torturing Santa!" cried the sweet Amyjo
"I like him." "You're just saying that because you're a HO"
"HO HO!" laughed the stranger, finger up his nose
his eyes all a twinkle, (it was rather gross)
"I just wanted to see if my theory's correct
do you make up in affection what you lack in respect?"
"The answer is no! Most emphatically no!
You bloggers are naughty and famously so!
You're wicked, you're pointless, you post silly pics
You don't think with your noggins, you think with your ___
You gaze at your navels, you mock your own peers
you comments consist almost solely of sneers.
You're a pack of hyenas! (How I hate to be right)
Crappy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."
"That wasn't Santa," Nance was quick to console
"that "jolly old elf" was more likely a troll.
We're all decent people! we're smart! and we're fun!
so screw that old bastard! God bless everyone!"
posted by AmyJo
3. AmyJo's Holiday Quiz
After Christmas, some people look forward to ringing in the New Year, while others prefer to toll the bells of bleak mortality. In honor of those troubled souls, I have created the following quiz
ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
1. Your worst holiday memory involves:
a) getting so many presents from adoring relatives you were nearly smothered in a mountain of wrapping paper
b) Santa trauma
c) Accidentally feeding your exotic pet after midnight with disastrous consequences
d) None: you are so depressed you are suffering from memory loss
2. Your favorite quote from "It's A Wonderful Life" is:
a) "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings"
b) "Merry Christmas Bert! Merry Christmas, Ernie!"
c) Anytime Uncle Billy says anything drunk and incoherent.
d) "Dear God, please just kill me now. I can't take it anymore. Kill me now."
3. To wassail means:
a) to go from door to door with rosy cheeks, singing and toasting all your beloved friends and hearty neighbors in perfect harmony and goodwill
b) It's a new extreme sport, like absailing
c) It involves sitting in a circle with a bunch of other freaks beating a cup on the table and screaming "Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!"
d) It's a kind of high-pitched, demented wailing--the sound a banshee makes before a death.
4. Christmas makes you
a) homicidal
b) suicidal
c) broke and hungover
d) all of the above
5. Jesus was born in a barn and laid in a manger. On Christmas day, where will you get laid?
a) Under the mistletoe
b) on a slab
Post your answers anonymously in the confessional and I will tell you what your score is and how to interpret it. Not as quick as a generator, but why not do things the old fashioned way, hmmm?
2. AmyJo's version of Twas the Night Before Christmas
twas the night before christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the RW...BS house
not a zonkboard was stirring, no clicking of mouse.
The boys were well hung (but not that we cared)
thank god for the RW...BS motto: be prepared!
The bloggers were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of naked dwarves danced through their heads.
How sweet, oh how peaceful, for what could go wrong
with Boz in his g-string and Mad in his thong?
Then up on the housetop there arose such a clatter
it was a wonder the bottles of beer didn't shatter
away to the window Boz flew like a flash
to witness Miss Rosa deep in a pash
with some guy in a red suit, an intruder no less
both hands were burrowing down the neck of her dress!
Then what to Bozzie's wondering eyes did appear
but a strange little "sleigh" and a tiny "reindeer"!
"Now don't try to tell me your name is St. Nick!
stop fondling Rosa and zip up your ---"
The intruder stood blushing with lust and with shame
when Boz began calling the RW...BSers by name
Hey Jonnie! Hey Sandra! Nancy! DVL!
Hey Amyjo and Marci and CJ and Belle!
The bloggers arrived, knuckled sleep from their eyes
and stared at the stranger in Santa's disguise.
"I'm sorry, he pleaded, it's just that, you see
I got sidetracked in surfing the Grand Ennui
your house seemed so welcoming, I just didn't think
you would mind if I visited, maybe give me a link?"
"I don't know," said their leader, "I really can't say
that your motives are pure, you did pash Olo-pay
and that outfit, it's velvet, which really seems strange
and the fur trim is fusty, developing mange
what's with the beard? and where's that old belly?
let's see you jiggle like a bowlful of jelly!"
"Stop torturing Santa!" cried the sweet Amyjo
"I like him." "You're just saying that because you're a HO"
"HO HO!" laughed the stranger, finger up his nose
his eyes all a twinkle, (it was rather gross)
"I just wanted to see if my theory's correct
do you make up in affection what you lack in respect?"
"The answer is no! Most emphatically no!
You bloggers are naughty and famously so!
You're wicked, you're pointless, you post silly pics
You don't think with your noggins, you think with your ___
You gaze at your navels, you mock your own peers
you comments consist almost solely of sneers.
You're a pack of hyenas! (How I hate to be right)
Crappy Christmas to all, and to all a good night."
"That wasn't Santa," Nance was quick to console
"that "jolly old elf" was more likely a troll.
We're all decent people! we're smart! and we're fun!
so screw that old bastard! God bless everyone!"
posted by AmyJo
3. AmyJo's Holiday Quiz
After Christmas, some people look forward to ringing in the New Year, while others prefer to toll the bells of bleak mortality. In honor of those troubled souls, I have created the following quiz
ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS
1. Your worst holiday memory involves:
a) getting so many presents from adoring relatives you were nearly smothered in a mountain of wrapping paper
b) Santa trauma
c) Accidentally feeding your exotic pet after midnight with disastrous consequences
d) None: you are so depressed you are suffering from memory loss
2. Your favorite quote from "It's A Wonderful Life" is:
a) "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings"
b) "Merry Christmas Bert! Merry Christmas, Ernie!"
c) Anytime Uncle Billy says anything drunk and incoherent.
d) "Dear God, please just kill me now. I can't take it anymore. Kill me now."
3. To wassail means:
a) to go from door to door with rosy cheeks, singing and toasting all your beloved friends and hearty neighbors in perfect harmony and goodwill
b) It's a new extreme sport, like absailing
c) It involves sitting in a circle with a bunch of other freaks beating a cup on the table and screaming "Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!"
d) It's a kind of high-pitched, demented wailing--the sound a banshee makes before a death.
4. Christmas makes you
a) homicidal
b) suicidal
c) broke and hungover
d) all of the above
5. Jesus was born in a barn and laid in a manger. On Christmas day, where will you get laid?
a) Under the mistletoe
b) on a slab
Post your answers anonymously in the confessional and I will tell you what your score is and how to interpret it. Not as quick as a generator, but why not do things the old fashioned way, hmmm?
posted by Boz at
12:31 AM
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