JohnnyC takes on Walt Whitman (or Disney)

OK so it's XMas time and I've had the pen to paper lately so I've concocted some love poems about the season. Here goes.

1.) Juan Bodley's Night Before Xmas
'Twas the night before Christmas
At Juan Bodley's house
Everyone was hammered
Including the mouse

The empties were thrown
By the chimney with care
In the hope that full fresh ones
Soon would be there

When all of a sudden
There arose such a clatter
I sprang from my Jim Beam
To see what wassa matter

I looked out the window
And much to my surprise
One bad ass lookin' ride
Appeared before my eyes

A '68 Caddy DeVille
With 20 inch spinners no less
And a big ass sound system
To impress the ladies I guess

The driver got out
And opened the trunk
3 homies got out
And they was all crunk

Homey was decked out fine
With red from head to toe
And the bling was a-blingin'
In the swirlin' Christmas snow

He brought me a watch
That was set to party time
And he refilled the bar
It never cost me a dime

The playas got back in the stylin' North Pole ride
The music was thumpin'
They was off in search
For ladies to be humpin'

And I heard the music play
As they rolled outta sight
"Happy Chrishizzle Bitches
We got our freak on tonight!!"

And if ya wanna see my wish list:
2.) Juan Bodley's 12 Days of Xmas
in reverse order, shorted for your protection...
12 cold brews chillin'
11 ladies naked
10 steaks a-grillin' (medium please)
9 TVs workin' (mine ain't)
8 Meaty inches
7 Midgets dancin'
6 Guitars for me
5 GOLDEN WHORES!!
4 Cars for wreckin'
3 Days in Vegas
2 Good eyes
And a Van Halen-Dave reunion tour just for me!!