i suppose this applies over here as well.

No eulogy required - a message from the team at "whoa that was so deep"

It is my regret to inform you that the head mistress of the aforementioned webspace has tragically died due to lonliness and heart break, she spent the last two weeks of her life penning a mediocre country and western album titled "you dont comment any more" Miss Posa would like to thank the regular readers of her blog (we the management are able to channel the dead). Rest assured that this does not mean that this blog is finished, we have managed to design a series of strings and pulleys when used in conjunction with a pair of dark sunglasses and a hawaiin shirt will fool even the closest friends into believing that she is still alive and still posting on the site. Readers will find that the content, humour and wit will remain at the same standard, it is suspected that Miss Posa's brain never really did function all that well.Please send all condolences and flowers to kitty_no_1_2000@yahoo.com.au Please standby for further messages.
Regards The management.

I'm on call this weekend

This the John Cougar Mellencamp Suicide Prevention Hotline, Boz speaking, how may I help you?

Frankly, my dear....

Boy...that corset quiz is GOOD. How did it ever know I was a southern belle?


You're a Civil War era corset. You southern belle,
you.


What corset are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

We need a theme for August

It started with Xmas in June,
And continued with Pie in July.
What's next???
What will August's theme be???
We have until midnight tomorrow to decide.
Suggestions, I need suggestions!!!

Regarding that rolling donut...

So I didn't get the response I expected to my Krispy Kreme post, below, which I thought was seriously hilarious *oxymoron alert!*. I was discussing it last night with Hubcap, and he looked puzzled. Turns out he had never heard the phrase "take a flying fuck at a rolling donut." This gave me pause. Is this a southern/country saying? Have the rest of you never heard it as well? Have you actually reached the ripe old age of *mumblemumble* without ever telling anyone to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Please report.
The next assignment will be: creek/brook/branch? What do you call it?

Please, please, please

Somebody make a post because the "not dvl" pictures are opposite the zonkboard and they are really starting to freak people out.
That didn't come out right.
They aren't freaking people out because they aren't dvl ...
Wait, that's not right either.
Nevermind.
Just do it.

Uncanny, simply uncanny.

This isn't Dvl, or is it?





Only Dvl knows for sure.
Click pic for full size photo.

Make plans now

You know all that stuff that you do "once in a blue moon"? Well, it's time: Saturday. So what are YOU going to do for this blue moon?

Corsetry Quiz Result

You're an anime corset.  Colorful.

What corset are you?

I'll be damned

Headline: Federal regulators probing Krispy Kreme

They really ARE taking a flying fuck at a rolling donut!

sometimes i like being predictable....

You're a vinyl/fetish corset.  Grrrrowl.


What corset are you?
brought to you by quizilla

I'm sorry, but I needed some validation, so here is another quiz

You are Logan! Tanner's twin bro! You're down to
earth, funny, lazy, and cool! Go you! And you
love streaking!


Which kid in RawkKitty's class are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Toilet Humor

Boz inspires me to ask:

What is your favorite potty-based joke?

Here's mine:

What did Spock find in the toilet?

The Captain's log.

That slays me. 
Arrested development, post no bail.

Public service project

It's Wednesday, and you know what that means---public service project time! This one is right down my lane, in keeping with my automotive outlook on life.

According to this article, the Japanese are working on a car that can express emotions:

Four inventors working for Toyota in Japan have won a patent for a car that they say can help drivers communicate better by glaring angrily at another car cutting through traffic as well as appear to cry, laugh, wink or just look around.

I think it would be a big help to those Japanese inventors if we were to suggest what emotions we would want our cars to express and how those emotions might be displayed. They might not have thought of all the possibilities, you see? Anyone?

Today is Pork Rind Wednesday

Pork rinds, they're Mother Nature's favorite snack.



Try some today.

Willy and his "Uncle" Hugh discuss the meaning of life.

Look out Willy.



I think "Uncle" Hugh is going to lay the bad touch on you.

Since someone brought up the Love Boat

What is it about former child stars?



Do they all grow up and have big hooters?
The Love Boat's Jill Whelan.

Contemporary Conquistador

Check out Duklein in the Pony House -


 
He's a complete Black Bettie Death Cult™ zealot - Preaching to the converted.

Nancy

Of course, this is in the pre-coked-out years....
Wow. The resemblance is really startling. I never realized how much I do NOT resemble Julie!

Should I go walkabout?

I just registered for the GRE and I feel Violated.  $250 dollars for the privelege of taking that test Again, and the Subject Test. Yuck.  At moments like this I question my sanity.  I hate taking it up the ass from the systems.   This Australian academic I know is going on a research trip to Darwin for three months and invited me to come as his concubine.   I should be applying to graduate schools and saving money as a marketing assistant (even typing it makes me cringe) while I can.  But my life is so dull it makes the idea of going walkabout almost viable.   Except that I would be in a dependant position and I'm sure I would take to watching bad australian television, drinking during the day while he's out doing his grant related stuff, and getting all nasal and bitchy because I spent all my money on a fool's errand.  But then again, why the fuck not?  God damn, wouldn't I rather be making out atop Uluru than calculating profit margins? But I would return to California in three months jobless and destitute, and would it be worth it? I've already accumulated all these experiences that are disjointed and lead nowhere. I feel like a house built by a paranoiac--all these rooms you can't reach, no flow, nothing is plumb.  But I'm bored and I miss Australia.  I haven't been there in sixteen years.

Your Real World ... Blogger Style character

In 25 words or less give a description of your Real World ... Blogger Style character.
Extra Credit
In 25 words or less give a description of some, or all, of your Real World ... Blogger Style housemates characters.

What did you do this weekend?

I slept all day and stayed awake all night.

I Am Tornado

Yesterday at Venice Beach, Sandra spotted the perfect gift for me in a store window


We went in to see about purchasing one, but they didn't have my size.

Then we got sidetracked by the display for the store next door -

Words of Wisdom

An audio post.

I will make an audio post tonight.

The topic will be words that you would like to hear me say.
So far the list includes douche and concubine.
Let me know what you want to hear, however under no circumstances will I say the word booger or fart.

Since AmyJo and RosaJo have gone all goth on us

I think we need to give them both a suitable goth name.
Any suggestions?

New Room Assignments

1. Dvl and Sandra will share the basement room we fondly refer to as The Dungeon.
2. Marci and Mad will share a room because Marci is Mad, in a psychotic sort of way.
3. Belle and Nancy will share the room in the west wing of the house with CJ, the Monkeys and Martin Sheen.
4. Amyjo and Rosajo will share a room and they can pretend they are Kyliejo and Danijo Minoguejo.

That leaves Jonnie and I.

5. I get the third floor penthouse suite of rooms.
6. Jonnie gets the shed.

Who is this Wil guy

who keeps flooding our answering machine with messages???
He keeps saying stuff like "I'd like to shoot you in the nude ... with my cell phone" and "I'm your baby's daddy".
Geez what a freque.

My computer has been infected

with a hamster of DOOM.



Which is much more virulent than a computer virus.

Who would have thought...

Ah! Look what I found in Jonnie's closet:


[click to enlarge]

2 turtle doves with a pear tree

Dear Amyjo/Ojyma,

I've recently come to grips with a terrible secret, and I need some advice.  I'm a woman trapped in a man's body, and I need out!  No one else knows about my hidden alter ego Stella Enigma, and my crusades as a dominatrix.

Recently, both world have come dreadfully close to clashing, and I can feel the eyes begining to wonder.  The ramifications of letting the world know have been holding me back, and I love my family and friends so much that I've kept this inside for far too long.

I've also been considering a sex change operation, but I still like both oysters and snails.  Should I start taking the hormones I've been perscribed, or should I seek counseling first?

Please help lead me out of the woods and into the valley!

Dominating,

Stella Enigma

Public service project

I think a useful public service project for this week would be to offer our advice to Sandra and Jonnie---tips to make the visit go more smoothly.

I shall begin.

1. Sandra, watch out for that sharpie marker
2. ....

If you were to have a sex change operation

what would you choose as a new name.
That is unless of course you have already had a sex change operation.
I'm not trying to single anyone out but ...
Is it AmyJo or Amy/Joe???
I'd choose either Vickie or Jane. Hey, I'm a Gemini I can do that stuff.
No wait, I'd choose the name Gemini. I mean it's obvious, isn't it!
I haven't given this too much thought, have I?

Ask me, ask my evil twin

So I was re-reading my tomes in my Sweet Valley High Library when inspiration struck.  I want to become an internationally syndicated advice columnist, and you all can help.  You see, I have an evil twin and she always gives me evil advice which leads me to do dumb things. But she is one funny bitch and even though I generally rue the day, at least I won't die riddled with regret for the things I didn't do.   I myself am literal minded, kind, and sensitive.  Between the two of us we lead me into a merry hell.  So I figured I might as well make this whole split personality thing pay.  So send me your pleas for advice! My evil twin and I will give you TWO answers for ONE question! Is that a deal, or what?  You can then CHOOSE which advice you want to ignore!  Ask me, ask my evil twin.   

My evil twin is an expert on sex, lying, cheating, love triangles, evading enemy capture, and clawing her way up the social ladder.  I am a zen buddhist who has read every self help book and non-violent communication manual there is, and I rescue bugs I find in the shower and release them into the wild instead of hammering them to pulp with my stilettos (that's her job).   So if you're sensitive and want some gentle goodwill, ask me.  If tough love, eternal scorn, and punitive language crack your whips, ask my evil twin.  If I get enough questions I will create an advice blog where she and I can confuse, advise, and bitch with impunity.  She's still asleep (she doesn't wake up until noon) so this is just me soliciting you for Questions!

Jonnie & Sandra's Summer Home

Sandra and I started a joint blog to eliminate double posting on our individual blogs.
It's at http://jonniesandra.blogspot.com.


Sandra & Jonnie's Morning Swim -
We Didn't Look Nearly As Retarded In Real Life.

Drop on by!

A favorites list

How about if we post some of our favorite non blog links in the sidebar?
I figure up to three a piece. It's just another way of finding out a little more about each other.
Here are my three most visited sites.
In no particular order...
1. Pogo, for the cribbage.
2. One Model Place for the pics.
3. Kazaa Lite ummm, just to visit because it would wrong to download music without paying for it.

AmyJo's haiku(s)

She buried them in the comments so I thought I'd dig them out and let everyone get a look at them.

Here's my initiatory haiku
(in case you haven't noticed I write compulsively and overlong so I actually erased a bunch.)

I am no haiku
mere doggerel, at times I
signify nothing

In San Francisco
seagulls are hunger itself
pigeons are tourists
Amyjo

New room assignments

We've got 10 housemates and 5 rooms.
Taking into account our likes and dislikes, our various foibles and idiosyncrasies, who do you think should room together.

Spill it: embarassing childhood crushes

Who did you love so passionately you ripped their photo off the cover of TV guide and slept with it under your (insert cartoon character here) patterened pillow?

I am so disappointed in Dvl

She added Wil Wheaton to her buzznet friend's list.



I guess those adolescent crushes die hard.

A difference in opinion?

Sandra's plan for their first night together.
Jonnie's plan for their first night together.

Now that AmyJo has been with us for a week

it is time for her
dun dun dun
INITIATION!!!
AmyJo:
1. Write a haiku (5-7-5) about yourself and post it in here.
2. Create a self-portrait of yourself and mail it to me for posting on the self-portrait page.

Speaking of self-portraits ...
NANCY!!!

Public service project

Residents of a suburb of Philly have been a bit dismayed by the yellowish brown substance coming out of their faucets.

Residents of Plumstead's North Branch development need not worry about the yellow-brown water that may be coming out of their faucets. It may not look pretty, but it is not harmful, a township official said.

Since receiving a couple of calls last week from North Branch residents about the color of the water, the township installed a filtering system, the effects of which should have been seen this past weekend, according to interim township manager Dave Nyman.

Meanwhile, residents could continue to drink the water and bathe and wash clothes in it, Nyman said.

The wells in North Branch, which supply the public water system, typically have high iron levels. The levels are not unhealthful, Nyman said, but they can cause water to discolor.

"There's nothing that's harmful. We're looking to make it prettier," he explained.

 
For our public service project this week, I think we should help the people of the North Branch development by telling them what that stuff is that is coming out of their pipes.
 
I shall start.
 
People of North Branch, that substance coming out of your pipes is:
1. the rinse water left after Belle bathes her monkey......
2 .condensation from Boz's breath after he has been drinking Jack Daniels....
3. the water Jonnie wrings out of his swim suit after a dip in the pool....
4. ......
 

I'm sorry, so sorry....

...please accept my apology...
 
I have been a non-functioning (some might say "dysfuntional") house member this week, and I feel terrible about it. I have been on "vacation" getting my house ready to sell. But I'm back, and I am researching our next public service project.
 
In the meantime, let me leave you with a thought for the day: "Support bacteria; it's the only culture some people have."

A Sandra and Jonnie betting pool

How long do you think it will be before Sandra beats the crap out of Jonnie, and what will be the straw that breaks the camel's back?
 
I think it will be after the third night of playing Mr. Shaving Cream Head.
 
I can just hear Sandra now ...
"Jonnie, Nehmen, das von Rasierschaum und ihn herauf Ihren Esel zu haften kann!"

Bundling

A practice that in recent days has captured my imagination. I heard about bundling from a historian (it was his quaint way of propositioning me, isn't that cute? God, I miss academics. They are SO perverse! They think and talk more about sex and are bigger deviants than anyone.) The concept wasn't exactly new to me (I know about the whole chivalric code of chaste lovers sleeping with a sword between them) but the idea a courting couple lying swaddled like mummies or infants, side by side, burning with repressed Hawthorniness--I'm captivated.  How did they do it?  Who did the actual bundling? Some third party, a sort of dominatrix in homespun, who swaddled the couple and then set them out side by side?  And how were they bound, exactly?  Were they roped, like harvest sheaves?  Were they merely tucked in veerrry tightly?  What if you had to pee?  It's better than a chastity belt, that's for sure.  It would have been oddly comforting, I think, especially on a cold night.  All that heat and thrill and tension, immobilized in yards and yards of blankets.  It would be like being the pea under all those mattresses in the fairy tales--this hard kernal of unsatisfied longing, muffled and muffled but still burning through, bruising and tormenting the tender flesh.  It's really hooked into my imagination.  Plus it's oddly  disgusting, I imagine the trapped smells and effulgences of dirty pilgrims,  the crawling things, the dirt and sweat, how crusty and nasty and scrufulous those blankets must have been, after a long unwashed winter.  It's repellant and fascinating.The things people come up with the titillate themselves in the name of virtue. Anyway, I regret not trying the experience, although it could only have ended (as I am sure many puritan liasons did) in Disaster.  Anyway, the whole idea of technical virginity or technical chastity fascinates me.  So anyone out there with a kinky Puritan fetish, go to it and let me know what it's like.

The top ten reasons I like being part of rwbs

1. Free cheese.
Your turn

Rosa the posa's quizerama

Which do you prefer?
1. Innies or outties (belly buttons)
2. Chiropractor or orthopedic?
3. Angel or buffy?
4. Aussies or kiwis
5.puppies or kittens?
6. a big pash or a warm hug?

and then...

7. Russell Crowe - love him or hate him?
8. Whats the weirdest thing you have ever eaten? ( food stuffs only)
9. If you could permanently erase a moment in your life, which would it be?
10. Do you think anyone in the history of time has ever eaten a Kebab when they werent pissed?

Just another video post from Boz

But only if you want to watch it.
Click click click

Belle is sick

Here's a card to cheer her up.
 

To Wing Loo, Thanks For Everything! Belle Newmar

3 Signs You're Really, Really Sick (In Every Way)

1.  You find yourself watching 4 back-to-back episodes of The Ashlee Simpson Show followed by the A2Z on Jessica Simpson ("P" is for Promise Ring, which Jessica's dad gave her so she wouldn't have sex with anyone but him... Ummm), and even worse, in your sick, sick delirium you hear yourself say "I kinda like that Ashlee Simpson."
2.  You start answering your phone, which under normal, non-sick circumstances you just ignore, so that you can tell everyone, especially that guy from MCI that calls twice a week to ask if you want to switch your long distance service, that you don't feel good and could he bring you some orange juice and Tylenol Mega-Super-Duper strength when he gets off work?
3.  Your mailman leaves a note in your mailbox asking if you've moved since you haven't been waiting on the steps for him everyday with cookies, a wedding license, and a glass of lemonade spiked with a date-rape drug as per usual.
And yes, when I say you I mean me, or I, or one of the voices in my head.  I'm sick. Monkey Pox or a bad case of Karma, most likely. But! Yesterday, in my fog of death, I received THE SUCTION CUP MONKEY OF DOOM!!! And I'm pretty sure it has healing properties because I suction cupped it to my TV and already I'm no longer watching anyone with the last name of Simpson attempt to sing! It may be the drugs talking, or one of my alter personalities, but Boz, you rock the casbah.
Now, the rest of you, you can send flowers or a donation in my name to the Martin Sheen Foundation For Monkeys. Thank you.

HULK NOT SMASH! HULK BLOG!

john john might or might not be aware of this little gem:

THE INCREDIBLE HULK BLOG!

Well, damn

We have another friend of the rwbs birthday today.
Happy Birthday Segei  Sergei.
And in your honor I have phoned the local oldie classic rock station and requested that they play Birthday by the Beatles Happy Birthday To Me by Cracker and dedicate it to you.
They said no.
Go figure.
Happy Birthday Anyway!!!

The face on the side of the milk carton

Have you seen this child?



If you have please contact the appropriate authorities, or the real world ... blogger style. We will meet all reasonable ransom demands.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR BELLE!

Eureka My Ass!

This is what a MAN'S bathroom sink should look like.



No girlie soap, no moisturizer, no sanitary hand cleaner.
Just generic soap, plastic glass, and cheap toothpaste.

Eureka!

I just found a perfect use for my extraneous bathroom sink (I have two)!

When I'm day laboring, I sweat like a bastard, so I have to at least rinse my hat at night so it doesn't reak the next day - 2nd sink makes a perfect rinse bin & I can hang the hat to dry overnight right there on the fawcett -


It's also nice that Sandra & I can have our own sinks during her visit. Nobody will have to worry about the gritty hat since I don't plan on laboring during our vacation.

Jonnie's Quiz

Sorry I'm late, but I think the well thought-out probing questions will more than make up for my tardiness -

1. Iron Workers or Welders - Who really rules the shit house?

2. If Del Taco & In-N-Out were to become readilly available nationwide, would California then lose it's cultural significance?

3. What's the most embarrassing thing you've said to somebody (something that made you immediately regret the comment)?

4. It's really fun to be drunk in public, huh?

5. Holding a pee as long as possible before release is pleasurable - yes or no?

Hey, one of the friends of rwbs has a birthday today.

It's Jer over at Thought Minion.
Happy 30th Jer.
And in your honor I have phoned the local oldie station and requested that they play Birthday by the Beatles and dedicate it to you.
They said no.
Go figure.
Happy Birthday Anyway!!!

Real World ... Blogger Style Approved Reference Texts

Here is the list of approved rwbs reference texts.
1. Urban Dictionary
2. Sex Dictionary

Does anyone know the definition of the Danza Slap?
Uh-uh-uh, no fair peeking!

Do you have any reference texts that you think meet the rigorous standards of the rwbs? Submit them and find out.

bikini spiders?

Where do you all stand on bikini spiders? Do they rock your world? Horrify you? Do you think they are a sign of sluttish lack of grooming, or are they an enticing hint at a bountiful bush?

I had a near death experience in Indiana over the fourth of July and while I didn't meet any spirit guides or come away with any wisdom concerning the hereafter, it did bring up the question of pubic grooming. I went rowing on a lake and nearly drowned because I had been wearing overalls but they were so heavy I couldn't swim in them, so I had to take them off or sink. A storm was kicking up over the lake and the waves were huge. My puny arms were tired from unaccustomed rowing and the fucking dungarees must have weighed at least 50 pounds soaking wet. Plus because they were baggy the drag was incredible. I could barely keep my head up. I had to be fished out in my underwear by a fat old Hoosier on a pontoon boat. When I rose, dripping, and collapsed on the pontoon, I looked down there they were, in all their glory--curly,friendly, peeking out and not in the least phased. I don't know what the Hoosier thought. Let's hope he was distracted by my cleavage, or by his trick knee, or by the approaching tempest, but *I* was all too aware of their presence, and while coughing up water I kept thinking, shit, I should have shaved for this.

ooohaaaah!

laydees and gentlefellows everybody's favourite housemate (that would be me you baystards) has gotten herself a brand spanking (yes please)new hair cut and colour which took a measly 4 hours to get done.. apparentty its hard to get black hair dye out of your hair.... whoops! who knew!

check the pix out at my blog

How fucking hot am i?!?

Belle's Quiz

1. Pancakes or Waffles?
2. Name one irrational fear that you have.
3. What is your favorite smell? (Is it the smell of hard wood burning in the Potter Bed & Breakfast? What, I've been watching too much Dawson's Creek again? Oh. Ok. Minus that part about burning wood and the Potter B&B then.)
4. When you go to sleep at night do you fall right to sleep or do you lie awake for a while thinking about all the people you killed for no real reason that day, regrets, bills, Bill Clinton, and/or pie?
5. If Gloria Estefan had you chained up in her basement where she and her Miami Sound Machine were singing and doing the conga for you for weeks causing your ears to bleed when suddenly one day Gloria decided to run upstairs and call Ricky Martin to come over to do a duet and one of the poor burnt out members of Miami Sound Machine took pity on you and handed you his cell phone, who would you call to come rescue you?

If you want to read about my exciting day

check out my latest post on The Grand Ennui.

As you can see we have a new house member

Welcome AmyJo to the house. I think she is either a real cousin of Jonnie's or another one of Jonnie's pretend cousins, you know like Jonnie pretends that Evel Knievel and the Facts of Life's Lisa Whelchel are his cousins.
Here is the acceptance email AmyJo sent to me.

thanks for inviting me. I am as thrilled as a little girl. But the link doesn't work--even when I cut and paste! Anyway, could it have expired because I didn't do it over the weekend? Please advise, I can't wait for the Real World Blog house slumber parties. I have baby doll pyjamas all picked out.

AmyJo, I need an icon pic or you will forever be either Bobbie, Bettie, or Billie Jo.

I have successfully infiltrated your blog cell

I am at large among you!
Yay!
Oh, here's my quiz:
1) What would you choose as your nom de blues?
2)Would you rather turn into your mother or your father?
3) Where do babies come from?
4) How many of you work soul crushingly dull jobs and if you do, how do you keep your spark from being utterly extinguished by the cruel exigencies of a capitalist society?
5) Which is sexier: corset, codpiece, or string bikini?