To Wing Loo, Thanks For Everything! Belle Newmar

3 Signs You're Really, Really Sick (In Every Way)

1.  You find yourself watching 4 back-to-back episodes of The Ashlee Simpson Show followed by the A2Z on Jessica Simpson ("P" is for Promise Ring, which Jessica's dad gave her so she wouldn't have sex with anyone but him... Ummm), and even worse, in your sick, sick delirium you hear yourself say "I kinda like that Ashlee Simpson."
2.  You start answering your phone, which under normal, non-sick circumstances you just ignore, so that you can tell everyone, especially that guy from MCI that calls twice a week to ask if you want to switch your long distance service, that you don't feel good and could he bring you some orange juice and Tylenol Mega-Super-Duper strength when he gets off work?
3.  Your mailman leaves a note in your mailbox asking if you've moved since you haven't been waiting on the steps for him everyday with cookies, a wedding license, and a glass of lemonade spiked with a date-rape drug as per usual.
And yes, when I say you I mean me, or I, or one of the voices in my head.  I'm sick. Monkey Pox or a bad case of Karma, most likely. But! Yesterday, in my fog of death, I received THE SUCTION CUP MONKEY OF DOOM!!! And I'm pretty sure it has healing properties because I suction cupped it to my TV and already I'm no longer watching anyone with the last name of Simpson attempt to sing! It may be the drugs talking, or one of my alter personalities, but Boz, you rock the casbah.
Now, the rest of you, you can send flowers or a donation in my name to the Martin Sheen Foundation For Monkeys. Thank you.