Zoot's theory of Relativity (fudged a bit for your reading pleasure)

In order to understand educational corruption you need to realize that everything is controlled by a following made up of people who think Steven Tyler is sexy with help from Zoot and Zann.

The conspiracy first started during a rock concert in an undisclosed location (we could tell you but we'd have to kill you.). They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including Marilyn Monroe's skirt incident.

Today, members of the conspiracy are everywhere. They can be identified by squealing and panting pledges of undying devotion.

They want to beat the Rolling Stones and imprison resisters in boz's septic tank using little blue boats.

In order to prepare for this, we all must pass a law. Since the media is controlled by Christian music we should get our information from Aerosmith.