Juan Bodley scribes a masterpiece (of shit!!)

I wrote this almost 10 years ago for my lil' sis Jennifer, the cat-freak librarian with a penchant for Patrick Stewart. If you don't know the name you'll probably recognize the name Jean-Luc Picard. (Personally, behind Deanna Troi, which is where I wish I was every night I go to sleep, I'd rate my fave Trek:TNG character to be Q. Figures two siblings would pick the nemesis of each other's favorite character...)

So read and upchuck at your earliest convenience...

The Song of Picard
An epic saga of bald authority and testosterone in the Final Frontier

Ahoy Jean-Luc
You lusty man
Through the Gamma Quadrant and beyond
Your legacy spans
To explore new worlds is the mission
The prime directive always stands
Looking for beings and races new
Probing the far corners of strange unfamiliar lands

Mr. Spock said “fascinating”
Scotty offered “I’m givin’ her all I can”
Bones McCoy was merely a doctor
But “Damnit Jim,” Picard is the real man
Stargazer was the first command
Ship and crew ready under Jean-Luc’s hand
Far Point was the first for the Enterprise that you manned
And with each trek on coming, you made your legendary stand

The struggles with Q have embattled him
Menace to Picard, deity to himself
Tales of Robin Hood, trials of humanity
Never knowing his presence, traveling in stellar stealth
Q, the bastard, the conniving dog
Starship Enterprise is his toy
To enrage Jean-Luc, to test his will
Making Picard his whipping boy

A crew of many origins
Their allegiance will never change
With each mission they encounter
Starting with a firm “engage”
Mr. Data, searching for lifeforms
Crunching numbers gives him a digital rise
Geordi Laforge strokes his warp core
Seeing wavelengths with technical eyes

From the House of Mogh, mighty Worf
With his weapons in his hands
Be it phasor, photons, or trusty Bat'leth
Like Kahless his name is revered across universal lands
The first officer’s chair capably filled
William T. Riker is his name
“Make it so, Number One” is Jean-Luc’s command
Will’s anger and drive make Picard look tame

Deanna Troi knows your every thought
From her your fear has no place to hide
Lust for the kill, confront the enemy
She senses your feelings, buried deep inside
Beverly Crusher, doctor in the stars
Your lust for her is long
A mechanical heart cannot feel
The secret pleasure of her on your schlong

Screaming through the Nexus
On the tail of Soran
His merciless quest for eternal pleasure
The El-Aurian is an evil man
With Guinan as guide
You fought off the sight
Of an imagined family
On a perfect Christmas night

Within the Nexus you sought James T. Kirk
Legendary captain, to stand by your side
“Never let them take you from that chair,” to you he said
Together, you began the triumphant ride
Beside Jim Kirk
You heard “Oh my”
Your sweaty head gleaming
As you watched him die

No forcefield could hold
No walls would stand
Soran’s reign of destruction
Would fall at Jean-Luc’s hand
Enterprise came down to its end
The mission complete, the task all done
Picard and his allies contemplate the future of the name
1701-D was toast, all gone

Another ship flies, warp to the galaxies
1701-E rises to the demand
Jean-Luc on the bridge
“Set a course” the immortal command
Becoming Borg, body of man, killing machine
Mechanical menace, technically obscene
Glaring unfeeling, looking lean and mean
Picard’s bare cranium, loaded outside and in, with no connection to his Starfleet team

Menace that Borg, death its objective
Jean-Luc’s family dead by destruction and fear
Many Stardates later, with rage feeding the confrontation
Picard lays the gauntlet down - “The line must be drawn here!!”
What now for the ship Enterprise
The bridge awaits the command
The Captain’s Log will register
Whatever encounters are at hand

Lead on, Jean-Luc
Forge ahead to whatever may be near
Race through the stars at maximum warp
Starfleet’s best will be the first in the Final Frontier