Chandler got fat.

No? Damn.

So I went waterfall jumping in Shenendoah yesterday. For some reason, and everyone knows this except for me so don't expect to be blown away by this statement, natural mountain spring water IS THE COLDEST FUCKING SUBSTANCE ON THE PLANET.

So when we first got there I thought, "Rock on! I'm all about jumping into waterfalls, yeah!"
Me and this guy Seth crawled up the falls, got to the top, and kissed the infinite.
Then plunged into what I will call The Frigid Cleavage of Satan's Voodoo Priestess Wife.
Well, while I was down there, I came upon an epiphany. Time does not exist.
I won't go into the complex calculations I performed whilst I was down there, but I did meet an interesting blind man who kindly guided me about. Oh! I could go on and on about the interesting cast of characters I met while I was there, a man who wears a lead cloak that pulsates in every color of the rainbow, even new colors that I've never seen before. And upon seeing them I fell to my knees and wept. Eventually I had to say goodbye to all of my new friends and I returned to the surface....

Where I screamed the scream of a thousand screams.

So I've lost 38 years of life.
That's approximately 2 Boz's.
Or maybe a Johnnie and an Amy Jo, minus a Belle.