SJT

A lady was on a plane arriving from USA. She found herself seated next to a nice priest, to whom she said, "Excuse me, Father, could I ask a favor?""Of course! What can I do for you?"

"Here's the problem... I bought myself a new hair remover instrument for which I paid an huge amount of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"

Father said "Of course I can, my child, but I will not lie."
"You have such an honest face, I am sure they will not ask you any question," and she gave him the hair remover.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son," he replied.Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, "

"And from the sash down, what do you have?"

The priest replied, "I have a marvelous little instrument there destined for use by women, but which has never been used.

"Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father Next One!"



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THINGS YOU DONT WANNA HEAR DURING SURGERY

* Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!
* Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
* Damn, there go the lights again...
* You know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of them.
* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
* Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
* What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...
* Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
* This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
* Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?
* Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.
* She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover.
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out of here.