'Rent land

Well, my little chickadees, I am off for a couple of weeks to relocate my 'rents to Cali. I hope you won't forget me while I am gone. I hope you will keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I drive cross country with CrankyMom and Dad in a biohazard Escort as they smoke like chimneys.

Perhaps for a community service project, you all might help me out. What I need are comebacks for my CrankyMom for her inevitable comments such as "It's too hot/cold/expensive/noisy/quiet/snotty/clean/whatever here. Why did you make me move?" Anyone?