The Elusive Siberian Tiger-Striped Job

So let's think about my qualifications.

I'm really good with computers.
I'm opinionated.
I'm Republican.
I prefer Gamecube over Playstation and XBOX.
I'm a boob guy.
I watch too many movies.
I'm a smooooth talka.
I'm good at puzzles.
I'm allergic to cats.
I'm taller than a 5th grader.
I'm shorter than Yao.
I've never lost a fight in my life.
I'm a surviva.
I'm not goin' give up.
I aint no holla back girl.
I think Ghandi is over-rated.
I think hyphens are over-rated.
I think hyphens sounds like a dirty word.


Now where should a highly qualified, jack of all trades kinda guy like me work?