if you're reading this, then it's too late...

i johnnie jimmy/jerry rigged a g.p.s. device to post if i was ever missing for more than 7 hours.

obviously, my calculations were a bit off.

i come to you now from an undisclosed location in the Mediterranean Sea. my food rations ran out 2 days ago, and i'm beginning to taste the bile in my filtered urine.

to make matters worse, the panel on my solar powered ipod cracked in last nights storm, and the battery just ran out. i am now stuck with adam sandler's medium pace in my head for god knows how long.

my knuckles look tasty.

should i not make it back alive, i decree the following:

* marci has first and sole rights to anything i've left behind in the bedroom, and is free to do with it as she see's fit.

* my bathroom decorations go to boz. the barren wasteland that he has upstairs is in dire need of some livening up. i would NOT recommend re-using the bongwater mouthwash.

* dvl gets my incense and candle collection. you had me at nekkid pillow fighting.

* sandra & johnnie get whatever is labeled mine in the attic. since i wrote "mine" on every single item that was up there, it should be quite the haul.

* amyjo gets my cat-of-nine and other toys located in the cellar.

* belle, i leave you a treasure map from when i escaped your basement.

* rosa, i have a beer bong and 38 cases of beer in the garage. go nuts.

* nancy gets my porn collection and playstation 2.

this message will self destruct in 5 seconds.

oh, and if you could leave the back door open, that would be great. i lost my keys somewhere near madrid.