The Real World ... Blogger Style: The Patch!!! warning--contains scary photos

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Patch!!! warning--contains scary photos


So I was all decked out in my new leaf hat, which I made myself, in homage to the season, 1940s chapeaux, maenads and an upcoming trip to Bob's pumpkin-patch-by-the-sea.

I was ready for an encounter --I figured Linus types would be mooching around waiting for the Great Pumpkin, and I could maybe score with a little angsty thumbsucker type, nice way to spend a monday--or is it tuesday. Yeah.



Bob's --There was a corn maze and pumpkins every where. You had to use a wheelbarrow.


There were so many pumpkins. So many. A sea of pumpkins.


Huge cinderella's coach ones, sad tiny ones, misshapen ones, green ones, some had thick phallic stems, others had tiny pig's tail stems. At first they all seemed beautiful. Then they started to all look alike. And then they started to float in my visual field. The redwing blackbirds flocked above the corn maze, making strange inscrutable kanji in the air. The wind blew my leaf hat to oblivion. A chill crept into the air.


And then it occurred to me--the pumpkins--they are symbolic severed heads.

They also look like little orange pregnant bellies. Cut one open and god knows what might jump out--a miniature beauty queen, a changeling, I don't know. They started to freak me out. Heads... Gestation... Severed heads... full-term pregnancies. Ichabod Crane, the Omen.


So I screamed.



And tore out of there like a bat out of hell.

But when I got home and looked in the back of my car...



ONE HAD FOLLOWED ME HOME!!!!!!