The Real World ... Blogger Style: resume help

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

resume help

I have to write a new resume.
The problem is, I can't remember anything I did at my last job.
Or the one before that. In fact, my job history is as spotted as a leper's corpse.
Speaking of spotted, I dreamed I was swimming in Tassajara creek, and a leopard was tracking me. It came at me, to attack, and I drowned it. But even though I should have felt like a total badass, I felt bad because I had killed the leopard. Even though it wanted to kill me.

But back to the resume.
I have to do it, and I don't wanna.

Here is a rough draft

Job: marketing asst. for semi-shady "gallery"
duties included: writing catalogue essays and copy, and spending the rest of the time fucking around online with you people
Job: assistant to director of international studies abroad, UC
duties included: witnessing the psychotic meltdowns of the repressed shoe-obsessed size 2 boss, dealing with insolence from the in-the-closet-J.Crew-wearing-top 40 blaring-mama's boy, and dating my boss's ex-husband after she left him.
Job? Zen trainee
duties included: cleaning toilets, shredding lettuce, and tarnishing my reputation

so much for my hirability.