The Real World ... Blogger Style: Should Should Should

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Should Should Should

I should be typing notes from the crazy coked out merchandising meeting I just had. Money. Speakerphone, blah.
I should be focused on the here and now. I should be tending to my job.
Should. Shove it.
There are shoulds, and there are shoulds.

I should be writing, submitting, writing, reading, staring out windows, loving my friends.
Why do I have this job? That I'm not doing? But I should.

I want this Fine Arts Work Fellowship so badly I could puke.
I should relax.
I should let the chips fall where they may.
I should be doing what is right in front of me, instead of longing, longing, longing.
I should clean my house. I should do my taxes. I should figure out my life. I should stop eating crap and I should spend less time online.

Should. Should. Should.
Shove it.
I want!
1500 applicants for 20 spots.
Figure the odds.
I am a finalist.
Figure the odds.
God, I want it so much it hurts. And all I can do is wait.
And while I wait, the weight of all these shoulds.