The Real World ... Blogger Style: Because Belle told me to

Friday, March 04, 2005

Because Belle told me to

Because belle knows of my pure and abiding love and lust for Hector Elizondo, who should have been the love interest in "Pretty Woman" anyone who watches that movie knows who the real prince is, the true mensch and it ain't old gerbil-butt (he's a buddhist now), no, it is the hotel manager who treats her like a lady even when she's wearing those hip-high boots with the safety-pin. But I digress. So I did it. I watched "The Princess Diaries" because Belle told me to. And I have to say, a)Garry Marshall, why you always make Hector Elizondo the eunuch-bitch when he is easily the hottest thing onscreen ?and b)ok, call me crazy, but if miss thang lives SOUTH OF MARKET why the hell are all the outdoor location shots located on NOB HILL? Just so you can see the cable cars? Let me tell you, viewers out there, SOUTH OF MARKET is nasty, filled with toothless, homeless, cracked out people sleeping under freeway overpasses and it ain't picturesque--so why lie? This is why San Francisco has the reputation for being a beautiful city--because liars like Garry Marshall make everyone believe it's a Rice-A-Roni soft-focus dream of hills and accomodating cable cars that roll prettily throught the backdrop and you can SEE THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE from ANY VANTAGE POINT IN THE CITY---well, it isn't true. And certainly not South of Market. Garry, where were the crazy homeless people? How did you keep them out of your shots? Where were the fags with their adorable dogs?Also, it is cold all the time here and there's no way in hell that a beach party on Baker Beach (a notorious nudey-beach where the schlongs dingle-dangle and the goosepimpled flesh flashes purple in the fog) at the beginning of June would be at all pleasant because it would be cold as hell. This isn't L.A. Nobody goes to the beach here, unless they are wearing about fifty sweaters and rain gear. So anyway, if any of you are watching the Princess Diaries, be aware that the geography lies--and that is the biggest fairytale of all. San Francisco is the duckling before the makeover. San Franciso is, in fact, a DORIAN GREY city where the beauty is due to the fact that it has sold its soul to the devil and it is rotting, festering, SUPPURATING underneath. It's all a lie! A lie!
So there.