The Real World ... Blogger Style: AmyJo's Bleak Holiday Quiz

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

AmyJo's Bleak Holiday Quiz

After Christmas, some people look forward to ringing in the New Year, while others prefer to toll the bells of bleak mortality. In honor of those troubled souls, I have created the following quiz

ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

1. Your worst holiday memory involves:
a) getting so many presents from adoring relatives you were nearly smothered in a mountain of wrapping paper
b) Santa trauma
c) Accidentally feeding your exotic pet after midnight with disastrous consequences
d) None: you are so depressed you are suffering from memory loss

2. Your favorite quote from "It's A Wonderful Life" is:
a) "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings"
b) "Merry Christmas Bert! Merry Christmas, Ernie!"
c) Anytime Uncle Billy says anything drunk and incoherent.
d) "Dear God, please just kill me now. I can't take it anymore. Kill me now."

3. To wassail means:
a) to go from door to door with rosy cheeks, singing and toasting all your beloved friends and hearty neighbors in perfect harmony and goodwill
b) It's a new extreme sport, like absailing
c) It involves sitting in a circle with a bunch of other freaks beating a cup on the table and screaming "Gooble gobble, gooble gobble!"
d) It's a kind of high-pitched, demented wailing--the sound a banshee makes before a death.

4. Christmas makes you
a) homicidal
b) suicidal
c) broke and hungover
d) all of the above

5. Jesus was born in a barn and laid in a manger. On Christmas day, where will you get laid?
a) Under the mistletoe
b) on a slab

Post your answers anonymously in the confessional and I will tell you what your score is and how to interpret it. Not as quick as a generator, but why not do things the old fashioned way, hmmm?