The Real World ... Blogger Style: things to do when you're hungover

Monday, September 20, 2004

things to do when you're hungover

Having a hangover can be delightfully surreal. It excites the psychic faculties. The worse the hangover, the more psychadelic reality becomes. It's like getting a bonus day of tweaked out fun. You can eat whatever you want because, hell, you deserve it--you're hungover! You can sleep as much as you want, and demand that you be treated gently, with kid gloves, because you're hungover! Being hungover is like a trip to a fabulous wonderland if you have the right attitude.
Things I like to do when I'm hungover:

-Go to WalMart. Everyone (including me) looks like a horror-movie extra.
-Play dress-up and wear bright terrifying clothes that make my over-sensitized rods and cones swim in fractal glee
-Enjoy the feeling of extreme slow-motion and pretend that I am in the middle of some crucial action sequence in some high-fi movie where I am dodging bullets or explosions right before the film speeds up again
-Call people and apologize
-Go over the night before in obsessive, novelisitic detail and decide to run away and join a convent where no one is allowed to drink
-Eat chile relleno burritos and tons of hot sauce to flush out the system (hot sauce adds to the buzz)

What do you do when you're hungover?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lay there with a tight chest slightly shaking wondering why you had that line of coke breathing deeply through your mouth to try get at least some oxygen in your blood whilst throwing up in a pint glass that still smells of the beer you took to bed making you feel worse. Then trying to force your arse out of bed to take two screaming kids to nursery while getting shouted at by your fat horrible cunt of a girlfriend that you only asked out because you was drunk as fuck but got pregnant so your stuck. Opening another beer just to make it to the kids school so you have the confidence to actually talk to people and not sit there on the bus panting for breath. Then you get home and your girlfriend is talking to someone she is cheating on you with on watsapp probably aranging to get gang banged by all his friends because once a slut always a slut. You don't do anything about it though coz your a scrawny cowardly alcoholic. You start to get worried about the chronic chest pain and tell her you are having a heart attack to which she replies get a drink of water. So you go get a beer out of the fridge sit in the back garden and get mashed even though you have to go to a work motivation course at the job center the next day. You realy contemplate phoning an ambulance but are terrified that the neighbours will know the extent of your problem so you just get more drunk to take your mind of it. You go to the kitchen and get a cigarette which makes your heart ache and thump the poison and toxins through body faster making you run to the bathroom with the shits and throwing up yellow bile and blood all over your self you get changed and head back down stairs and your girlfriend is at the door ready to go to "feed her sisters dog". When she has gone you put on some music sit back and wish you could start your life again even though you are only 22

4:21 AM  

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