Ask me, ask my evil twin

So I was re-reading my tomes in my Sweet Valley High Library when inspiration struck.  I want to become an internationally syndicated advice columnist, and you all can help.  You see, I have an evil twin and she always gives me evil advice which leads me to do dumb things. But she is one funny bitch and even though I generally rue the day, at least I won't die riddled with regret for the things I didn't do.   I myself am literal minded, kind, and sensitive.  Between the two of us we lead me into a merry hell.  So I figured I might as well make this whole split personality thing pay.  So send me your pleas for advice! My evil twin and I will give you TWO answers for ONE question! Is that a deal, or what?  You can then CHOOSE which advice you want to ignore!  Ask me, ask my evil twin.   

My evil twin is an expert on sex, lying, cheating, love triangles, evading enemy capture, and clawing her way up the social ladder.  I am a zen buddhist who has read every self help book and non-violent communication manual there is, and I rescue bugs I find in the shower and release them into the wild instead of hammering them to pulp with my stilettos (that's her job).   So if you're sensitive and want some gentle goodwill, ask me.  If tough love, eternal scorn, and punitive language crack your whips, ask my evil twin.  If I get enough questions I will create an advice blog where she and I can confuse, advise, and bitch with impunity.  She's still asleep (she doesn't wake up until noon) so this is just me soliciting you for Questions!